Between The Lines
by i-dletalk
Summary: Sadie Gilliam has always been the nerd, the dork, and the quiet girl at school. Jan has always been egotistical, cocky, and wanted the easy way out. What happens when they realize that they have a lot more in common than they thought?
1. Beggining Of A New Year

_Author's Note: Hey! This is my story with Jan and female OC, I hope you like and please tell me what you think. The next couple chapters will be longer. _

_Sadie's POV_

"Well lookie here it's nerdy Sadie Gilliam."

I groaned hearing one of the many people whom I hated, I knew the voice from anywhere. It was Jan.

"Well aren't you going to say anything to me or act like quiet mute that you are?"

I didn't' say anything at all, I brushed my hair out of my eyes and walked down the hall as quickly as I could still hearing the laughter come from Jan, I had know him since elementary school and in all my years of knowing me he has never said a nice word to me, not once. I hadn't done anything to him, at least not that I know. He just decided that I was going to be the girl he picked on, ridiculed, poked fun at, and teased for the rest of his life.

I wasn't exactly the beautiful, drop dead, stunning girls he usually went for but I always felt like that I was beautiful on the inside and that's all I needed to know, I didn't need fancy clothes, a boyfriend, or makeup to make me feel happy even though my life was far from the fairy tale life that I had once dreamed about having when I was little.

To anyone else, I was your average eighteen year old girl with brown hair, blue eyes, and freckles. I wore thin rimmed black glasses and I was extremely shy and kept to myself which is why I was made fun of so much. I was the nerdiest girl at school. If you could label, I would be the nerd.

It was the beginning of my senior year of high school and I was ready to be done with it and leave, I was planning on getting far away from California as far as I could, far away from all the drama, the tears, the fights, the fake people, and mostly importantly Jan. 


	2. We Are Going To Be Friends

_Author's Note: Here is the next one and this comes from Jan's and Sadie's POV and gives you more back story to Sadie. Enjoy! Read and review! _

_Bluehaven4220: Thanks! I didn't want to make her a mary-sue and that will play a major role in the story especially later. Glad you like! _

_Jan's POV _

"What a nerd."

I shook my head as I watched meek and shy Sadie Gilliam rush down the hallway looking at the ground as she usually did, she was the nerdiest girl in the entire school. I had never met someone like her, she was quiet and meek and never said anything when she was spoken to, easy target for me. I had known her since elementary school and made fun of her ever since the day we met, she had glasses, freckles, and read more than anyone I knew. I hoped I didn't have any classes with her this year, that would be a killer.

"What are you doing talking to nerdy Sadie?"

I snorted. "More like making fun of her."

I smiled as my best friend Carter Phelps looked at me while he messed with his shirt and said," Now that's more like it."

"She's such a nerd, who in the hell would ever want to be with her?"

"No, she'll be lonely for the rest of her life."

_Sadie's POV _

"Why can't anyone be nice and help me out once in awhile?"

I was picking up my papers on the floor near my locker after someone purposely ran into me, probably one of Jan's friends who had passed him in the hallway.

"People are jerks."

I stood up to face the person who was helping and realized she was new to the school, she had jet black hair which was pulled into a pony tail and she was chewing gum or something I could tell. She was wearing jeans and a black t-shirt with writing scrawled all over it. It was in cursive and I couldn't read what it said.

I smiled. "Thanks. I haven't seen you before, did you just move here?"

She smiled. "I'm missy and I did just move here, I saw those guys push you into the lockers but I got around to late to telling them off."

I smiled. "Thanks but I'm used to it."

"You shouldn't be. By the way, what's your name?"

I blushed. "I'm sorry, I'm Sadie Gilliam and I am used to it, it's happened to be my entire life. I'm the nerd so everyone makes fun of me but mostly Jan."

"Is that a girl?"

I giggled. "No he's a guy, he's a jerk. Well, at least I think he is."

Missy smiled at me and said," Well, I have to get going but I'm sure I'll see you around and keep your head up. Don't let those jerks get to you."

"I won't. Thanks Missy."

"Hi Sadie."

I turned around to see Les, a guy who I called my only close friend and always stuck up for me walking over to me and I said," Hi Les."

"You aren't having a very good first day are you?"

"Nope, I ran into to Jan or well he ran into me."

"Don't worry about him Sadie, just think in one year you'll be in New York City going to school at NYU." 

"I hope I get in Les."

He smiled at me as we walked down the hallway and he reassured me," You will get in, I promise you. NYU would love to have you."

"I hope your right."

"You know you will, don't worry about Jan and his friends. They are too stupid to see how brilliant and beautiful you are."

"Thanks Jan."

I hope Les was right, NYU was my dream school and I wanted so badly to get in there, I was working two jobs and trying to help out at home which wasn't easy, my dad left our family when I was young and I have two younger siblings and my mom who isn't much help either, she's an alcoholic who will sometimes leave the house for days and then suddenly appear days later like everything is okay so I was basically the mother, I worked to help my siblings out and so they could have things, she wasn't much help at all. Not many people knew that about me, only a few. Les is one of them and his parents help me out whenever I need it but I want to learn things and I want to show the world and mostly my parents and everyone I went to high school with that I can do it. I'm not just the nerdy girl who pays attention in class and gets high grades but that I can contribute to society and accomplish my dreams.


	3. Not Like I Hoped It Would Be

_Sadie's POV _

As I entered my senior year English class for the last time, I noticed that Jan was sitting in the back and I groaned inwardly and thought," Why this year?"

He must have been thinking because he rolled his eyes in my direction and I made my way to the back as I usually do and plopped down in my seat, I set my bag down as Jan looked at me and said," I bet you have already every single book we are supposed to read Sadie."

A few laughed but I looked at him and said," Shut up Jan."

"Ohhh the mute speaks?!"

That's when Missy walked in and yelled," Shut up asshole and leave her alone!"

Jan looked at Missy and scoffed," Who the hell are you?"

"Her friend that's who I am and I don't like seeing my friends picked on."

"Like Sadie has any friends." 

That got everyone expect Missy laughing who walked over and pushed Jan back into the chair and said," Shut up asshole or I'll make your life a living hell."

"Alright!!! That's enough!"

The English teacher walked in and he said," That's enough, all of you."

I sighed as Jan snorted and sat down across the room and Mr. Sanders, our English teacher spoke up," Welcome to your senior English class, this is the beginning of the your last year at high school."

"Well isn't he captain obvious?" Someone muttered from the back of the room.

"I am going to pretend I didn't hear that." 

"As of now, you will be assigned a year long project which is due on the last day of your senior year. You will still have other homework but this will a partner project that you will do together and when I say together, I mean it. Every two months, I will do checks up to see where you are and see how much you have done."

Everyone groaned as he continued, I will be assigning you partners beginning now."

"Sadie Gilliam and Jan Robertson."

_"Oh no." _

He must have been thinking the same thing because his face lost color and he sank into seat staring at the floor, I bit my lip as Missy shot a sympathic look in my direction and she mouthed," I'm sorry."

I shrugged as he finished calling the names and announced our project which was going to be based on an author and we had to do research but it was more of research project than a regular essay, we had to find everything and put it into a ten page paper with facts, stories, and everything you could think of and I had a feeling that I would be doing most of the work.

_Jan's POV _

"You have to be shitting me. I get stuck with the nerd out of all of the people in this class."

I glanced at Sadie who was looking down at the paper that he handed out to us and she already looked engrossed in it, this was going to suck but then again I wouldn't have to do much of the work because I knew she was going to do it.

But how in the hell did this happen? I couldn't be seen with her, she was a nerd. A laughing stock of the entire school, no one liked her expect for that stupid dyke sitting in the front. No one tells me off, I hoped I wouldn't run into Missy or whoever the hell she was.

I couldn't even believe she was my partner, things couldn't get worse than this. Or they might.

"Tomorrow you will get with your partners and plan who is going to do what."

_Great, now I had to actually talk to her and get to know her and knew that we were probably going to have to work together not during school hours. Just what I needed. _

I was hoping things wouldn't worse but I had a bad feeling about that.

_Sadie's POV _

I was going to have to work with my enemy, the boy who bullied me since elementary school. I couldn't believe my luck, now we were going to have to work together outside of school which meant the possibility of him coming over to my house or seeing I do everyday which I knew he would use a way to tease me and make fun of me. I wish I could skip over my senior year and move to New York and enroll in NYU but that wasn't possible. 

Even though, I had known Jan since elementary school we lived in two different worlds, he lived on the rich side of town and I was living on the poor side of town in a run down three bedroom house, my brother and sister shared one room and I had the other room while my mother still kept her room but she was never around, she came home four weeks ago and all she did was rant and rave and then stomped out with her new boyfriend. That was my life.

The class ended seconds later and I got up from desk but as I started to walk out, I noticed that Jan was looking at me and I glanced back at him as he looked the other direction and I shook my head and thought," This is going to be a long year."

"Sucks your with Jan."

"Tell me about it."

"You'll live."

"I hate him, he's bullied me since elementary school. I know your trying to help missy but you don't understand."

"Actually, I do. I was bullied at my old school and transferred but now I don't care if anyone doesn't like me. He thinks you are an easy target because you are quiet and shy. Don't let him get to you."

"That's what I keep telling myself."

She cracked a smile and said," Don't worry Sadie, it will be fine. I'll see you later." 

I was hoping she would be right but I had a bad feeling about this. A very bad feeling. 


	4. Cheerleading and Problems

_Author's Note: This is a little different than most of my stories but here is the latest, I hope you like. Read and Review!_

_Bluehaven4220: Yes Sadie will fight back very soon! Glad you like:) _

_Jan's POV _

My life had just got unbelievably worse, not only was I partnered with Sadie Gilliam for our senior project but her dyke friend Missy was on the cheerleading squad and she was going to make my life a living hell, I hated the sight of her. I couldn't believe she was on the cheerleading squad with us, my life was just beginning to take a turn for the worst.

"Can you believe that dyke?"

I snorted as Courtney, one of the snobbiest girls at our school sighed as she walked out of the gym where we had been holding tryouts. I had known Courtney since our freshman year and we had flirted with each other everyday since then but only in a friendly manor, I would never date her. She's not my type.

"She's friends with Sadie Gilliam."

"What a bore."

"Did I tell you she's my partner for our English project?"

Courtney laughed. "I feel bad for you. Good luck with the quiet nerd."

"Why are you guys so mean to her?"

I rolled my eyes as Torrance, the head captain and the know it all of the team walked over to us; Torrance was always nice to everyone that she met and even though she and Sadie were friends they were friendly to each other which I couldn't' understand, nothing about Sadie Gilliam made her interesting, she was one of them most boring girls that I had ever met.

"She's a bore."

"How would you know Courtney? You don't talk to her. She's a nice girl."

"Torrance, I know you are trying to be nice but she's the most boring girl at our school." 

"You got that right."

I rolled my eyes and said," I don't even want to think what our conversation will be about when we start our project."

"She's probably already started."

I snorted. "You are probably right, I won't have to do much."

Torrance sighed. "If you got to know her, she is a nice person Jan but you are too busy looking up girls skirts or down there shirts to notice I guess."

Courtney laughed and high fived Torrance who smirked as I rolled my eyes and yelled," See you losers tomorrow."

_Sadie's POV _

"May I help you?"__

I smiled as a young woman around my age approached the help desk at the California Regional Library where I worked and had been working since I was a freshman, I also worked at fast food restaurant place when I wasn't working here. Most of the kids I went to school thought I devoted all my time to do homework but I was usually up till around one in the morning trying to finish it. By the time, I got home I had to get my two younger siblings to bed and make sure they had lunch money for the next day.

"Yes I was wondering where I could find Sadie Gilliam?"

"I'm Sadie."

She smiled and responded," Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Regan Redgrave, your brother fifth grade substitute, the teacher has been out for the last couple weeks."

I recalled a conversation I had with my little brother a couple days ago when I asked him what had been going on in school and he said he had sub and he was trying to get along better with his classmates. I figured it wasn't working out that well.

"Is there any chance I can have a few moments with you?"

I signaled to Tracy Miller, my boss who nodded and I made my way over to Mrs. Redgrave who smiled and asked," Your brother talks an awful lot about your mother, is everything okay at your home?"

I sighed. "Everything is fine. I know my brother has had a few problems with some of the kids in school and we are working on that. He's trying the hardest he can."

"I understand that he is but he's been getting into fights with some of the kids again, I know she left me a note that sometimes he does that but have you ever thought about an Alternative School for him?"

I sighed. "Yes we have but haven't looked into it."

"I think you might want to do that. I know there is a wonderful alterative school down the street from Rancho Carne High."

I smiled remembering passing the school on my home, I didn't want to tell her that my mother wasn't even around that much anymore. They would take my siblings away from me and put them in foster care but I had a feeling that she was going to find out sooner or later that my mother wasn't around and I was right.

"Parent-teacher conferences are coming up in a few weeks and I would love if your mother would come up so we can talk about your brother. He is a fine student but I think the alternative school would be a better place for him."

"I will let her know and see what she can do."

"Thank you Sadie, I will let you get back to work. Take care."

"You too."

I groaned inwardly knowing that she wasn't going to be there and I couldn't be in her place because the sub knew me and would figure it out. I didn't want my siblings to be taken away seeing that my alcoholic mother couldn't even show up and take care of her own kids but I had to do it. This year wasn't starting out like I had hoped it would be.


	5. Why Did You Show Up

_Author's Note: A chapter! Yay! There is more backstory to Sadie and Jan in the story, I hope you enjoy and much more to come! _   
_Bluehaven4220: Glad you like it! Hope you enjoy this one! _   
_Sadie's POV _   
Ugh, why is there never enough time to finish everything? Why do I feel so rushed? This is only the beginning of the year and I am now feeling so stressed, out of my mind stressed out and about to collapse. First, I was partnered with Jan, then I had to worry about my little brother and the fact that his teacher was worried about him and wanted him to be placed in an alterative school. She was sure to find out about my mother soon, at least I am sure she would.   
"Sadie!"

I smiled as my five year old sister Carmen rushed over when I walked and hugged my leg, I picked her up and kissed her head and said," what are you still doing up?"

"Mama home."

"She's what?"

"You heard her. I'm home for the time being."

"Oh."

"You don't seem so happy to see me."

"Mother, you are never around."

"Don't talk to me like I am some stranger, I raised you and I will tolerate this from you."

I set my sister down and took my stuff to my room ignoring her as she continued to yell at me, she was an absolute drunk of a mother. She was never there for us, she was usually passed out or to busy to take care of us. It was usually a relative, my mother was a screw up and she ruined it. She pushed her entire family away so now they didn't want anything to do with her or us. I was pissed, upset, and confused as to what my mother wanted know but wished she would leave, it made my life easier when she was gone. No one at school knew about my personal life, that would give them leverage to tease me more than they already did, I was already worried about this project with Jan knowing that it would awful. Working with the boy who bullied me relentlessly since elementary school.   
"Sadie?"

"Charlie, come on in here. I want to talk to you."

I heard him groan, I cleared off my bed as he plopped down on the bed and asked," Why is mom here?"

I shrugged. "I don't know Charlie, I am as baffled as you are."

"Why does she have to show up now?"

I shrugged once more not having an answer for my mother, since she had left us so much to fend for ourselves the two of us wanted nothing to do with her but my sister was too young to understand why our mother would do this to us, she would leave for weeks and then suddenly show up with a new boyfriend or wanting something from us.   
Now that she was here and not knowing how long she would be here frustrated and upset me, she always wanted something and I knew that if she showed up when Jan was here or if he had found out my life, he would make it even worse than it was before. He didn't have a caring bone in his body especially for me, we never talked other than when he teased me. Why oh why did I have to be partnered with Jan?   
_Jan's POV _   
"Jan, sweetheart will you quit cracking your knuckles? You know how I hate it when you do that."

"Sorry mom."

"What's bothering you?"

I was sitting in the living room with my mother while she was trying to watch a repeat of Law and Order, I was thinking about this project and how being seen with Sadie Gilliam would ruin my image and reputation which I kept in tact for the last three years.   
"My partner for that English project is Sadie Gilliam."

"She's such a nice girl."

"Mom, she's boring."

"Don't talk about her that way. You don't even know her, she may not be as boring as you think she is. Jan, you are something else."

I sighed. "Mom, you don't understand. If I am seen outside of school with her, my reputation is ruined."

"You are going to have a reality check when you get out of high school, no one cares about how popular you are."

"Mom, can we talk about something else? You have told this to me many times before."

"You started it with cracking your knuckles."

I sighed. "I didn't start anything mom. It's a habit of one."

"Well get rid of it."   
I sighed. "I can't, it's stuck with me for life."

"You can get rid of some of habits, your going to have to if you want to survive in the real world."

"Will you quit lecturing me about that? I didn't' come in here for that."

She sighed and concentrated on her show, I had a love hate relationship with my mother and right not it was in the hate mode. She really knew how to get under my skin but it's the way she was, my dad was extremely wealthy and he met my mother when they were both in college and married soon after she graduated, she is one of the top prosecutors in our county but she's very different than my mother, she grew from nothing and made her life out of something unlike what most of the people she grew up with thought and that's one of the reasons we had a love hate relationship. In a way, my mother was from the wrong side of the tracks but she earned the love and respect that she wanted from my dad's folks who grew to love her, they first they she wasn't good enough for him but they pulled through it. I love my mom, most of the time but sometimes it's hard to have a conversation with her. It's the way life was. 

_Sadie's POV _   
"So today is the day."_  
_  
Maybe he's sick, maybe he won't show up and then I won't have to talk to him. Ugh, why am I acting like this? This is stupid, I just want to get this project over with. I knew he was feeling the same way but I knew this wasn't going to be easy. The author that we were going to do our project on was John Stienbeck, who was one of my favorite authors so that wouldn't be so hard for me.   
I walked into the room hoping that he wasn't there but I looked in the back and he was talking to Leslie Smith, one of the popular girls sitting in the back; she always wore everything so short so if you looked you basically saw everything that you didn't want to see, she was snotty, rude, and a very crude person especially to me. Jan wasn't exactly looking at her but he was looking at her chest like he always did with half of the girls he hung out with, he was a womanizer.   
"Alright, lets get going. We have many things to cover."

Jan snorted and sat down as our English teacher smiled and said," First, it's time to get with your partners and start setting up what you are going to do."

I looked at Jan who reluctantly walked over and plopped down in the desk next to mine and said," So."

"Look Jan, I don't want to do this anymore than you do so lets just get this over with."

"Glad we are on the same page."

I smiled and said," I will start looking up some things on John Stienbeck if you could look on the internet, I work at the regional library so that won't be to hard for me."

"You work there?"

I nodded. "Yes I do. I have two jobs and that's one of them."

"Oh, I didn't know that."  
_  
"There's a lot that you don't know."_   
"We are going to have to work together outside of school on this."

"Don't remind me."

I smiled. "We could do it after school or at the library or someplace."

"We might have to work at mine or yours. I'll let you know."

"Okay, that's fine with me. So are we covered for now?"

He nodded and got up from the desk and walked over to his seat, I on the other hand was happy that went smoothly, he must still be half asleep or had a rough night. He is usually crude to me and most of the time he barely says a word to me. That's how most of the people in this school treat me expect for a few. 


	6. Missy Finds Out

_Author's Note: A long chapter and you could see Missy's POV, I wanted it to be that way so here we go. Read and Review!_

_Bluehaven4220: You will have to wait and see when Jan does help her out, it won't be soon but later on and you will see a lot of drama between the two. Glad you like:) _

Now that wasn't so bad, I just had to make to the library so I could look some stuff up or I could ask someone to do it for me, pay someone so I wouldn't have to do the work. Naah, i'll do it. But it wasn't so bad, at least we were on the same page and I just had to find out if we were going to work together at her place or mine, I didn't have a clue where she lived and I honestly could care less.

"Hey."

I snapped out of my thoughts to see Missy standing by the next to me and asked," What do you want?"

She snorted. "I see your time with Sadie wasn't so bad. The girl dosen't have a disease even though you treat her like she does."

"I can't believe you actually hang out with her. She's a loser."

"How would you know?"

She beat me. I didn't have an answer for her, for once. I never hung out with Sadie and I never will, she was a loser and she would always be one.

"Well?"

"Fine, I don't know but she is a loser."

"You're a dick you know that. She's done nothing to you and you treat her like shit."

"Dyke."

Now we were both standing up and this was a first, I was about to get into a fight with a girl.

"What are you actually going to fight me? Everyone calls me a dyke, your not the first person to call me that. I'm not going to fight you but if you so dare hurt Sadie, I will hurt you. She's a good person, you are just to stupid to see that."

I snorted as she walked off and thought," What in the hell is she talking about?"

_Sadie's POV_

Well, it wasn't as bad as thought I would be. I mean, I knew that things could get worse but maybe it wouldn't be that bad. Oh who was I kidding? It was going to be hell. I couldn't even imagine him coming to my place, he would want to run for his life. I don't know if I could bare him seeing my place and seeing how I live, that would give him leverage to tease me even more than he already did.

"Sadie?"

I snapped out of my thoughts to see Missy standing by the filing cabinet which was close to my desk and I asked," What's up?"

"Not much, you alright?"

"I'm fine, I was just thinking."

It was the middle of class and we were working our assignment which was due tomorrow, I was close to being done as usual.

"Don't worry about Jan, he won't be much of a bother to you."

"Thanks Missy. I think it will be okay."

"He needs to grow up, you haven't done anything to him. He's a stupid little rich boy that thinks he deserves everything on a silver platter. It's called Karma and he will get his someday."

"I know he will and I am waiting for that but I don't think will happen."

"It will. Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out this week?"

"Um, I don't know. I work all week."

"Well, if you have a free day we could do something. I could come over to your house or you could come over to mine."

"I will let you know when I'm free."

"Alright, see you later."

"Bye."

Shit, now she wanted to come over to my house. I couldn't let anyone come over, I didn't want them to see the way I lived. I knew Missy wouldn't say or do anything and the only person who had actually seen my house was Les. I had known him since middle school, I didn't consider him to be a best friend but he was a close one that I could count on. Maybe I could talk to him.

The bell rang and I hurried out of the classroom as I could hear Jan yell," You don't wanna be late for your next class sadie!!! A tardie is a no no!!"

I was embarrassed but used to it but I could still hear laughter erupting from everyone that I passed. I shrugged it off my shoulders until I heard someone call my name and turned to see the person I was looking for. Les.

"Hey Sadie, don't listen to him."

"I won't."

He walked over to me and threw his arm around me as I smiled and said," Hi Les."

He smiled. "How are you? I hear you are partners with Jan."

"I am. I don't like it anymore than he does but there is nothing I can do about it. I just have to work with him and get it over with."

"You have such a positive attitude, more than I would. He's a pretty boy that thinks the world revolves around him."

"Have you talked to Missy?"

He nodded. "She talked about you and I know she wants to be friends with you."

"The first person."

He shrugged. "Don't talk like that." 

"It's true."

"It is not Sadie."

I shrugged and said," She wants to hang out but I don't know if I want her to come over. I'd be embarrassed."

"I think you should invite her over. It's not like she's going to tell anyone and I know you've been going through a lot with your mom but you need this. Have Missy come over and you two can talk. She wants you to open up more, that's what she told. She knows your holding back and I told her that your life wasn't exactly picture perfect and that's all I said."

As much I hated to admit it, he was right. I did need friends and I liked Missy, she was different and the fact that someone wanted to be my friend made me happy. Maybe it wouldn't hurt.

By the end of the day, I made plans with Missy to hang out tonight. She was coming over and we were going to finish this homework from english and hang out. I was excited and a little nervous but I knew maybe this would be a good start to fix my broken life.

_Missy's POV _

So I was finally going to hang out with Sadie, I was happy about that. She was a nice girl and besides hanging out with Torrance, the head captain of the cheerleading squad I could use a new friend. It would be a great begining for me, I needed one and then maybe I could teach Jan a lesson that Sadie wasn't a boring person at all. He needed a foot shoved up his ass and I wanted to be the one to do it.

"So this is where she lives?"

It was completely the oppisite from where I lived, she lived in a three bedroom run down house on the otherside of town. It looked like it hadn't been had a nice paint job in a few years and the yard looked unkept.

I made my way to the house and I could hear Sadie's voice and she was yelling at someone and I figured she had siblings. I knew the feeling, I had a younger brother and he was a pain but that's the way it works.

I knocked on the door and seconds later Sadie opened the door and I walked in seeing that her place was extremely small, I noticed a young girl around five years old sitting on the couch curling her brown curly hair in her fingers eagerly waiting for the commerical to be over to she could watch whatever she was watching, probably cartoons.

"Hi Sadie."

"Hi Missy."

"So this is your place?"

She blushed. "This is where I live. That is my younger sister Carmen, I would introduce you to her but she's gets mad if you interrupt her while she watching her cartoons."

I smiled. "I was like that when I was little."

"I have a younger brother but he's upstairs."

"What about your mother?"

She winced and I knew I hit a soft spot so I quickly changed the subject and asked," Did you finish your homework?"

"Almost done. Can we work in the dining room? She gets fussy when I leave for a longtime."

"Sure thing." 

Once we got started on the homework I asked," Sadie, I don't mean to pry but where is your mom? Shouldn't she be home?"

Sadie set her stuff down and said," I don't know where she is, she never comes around. She's an alcholic and I'm raising my two siblings. She comes around once in awhile but it's usually because she wants something from me. My dad passed away when I was younger and my relatives raised us until it was too much for them to take. I know that seems harsh but my mother has caused a lot of grief for us, I work two jobs and try to raise them."

"Does Jan know? Is that why he teases you so much?"

"He dosen't know or no one expect Les knows. I've known Les since middle school and he's my only friend other than you."

"Sadie, you can't raise your siblings on your own. That's way to much for one person to handle. Have you talked to child servies or whatever it's called?"

"Nope. I can do it."

"So, Jan doesn't know about this?"

"No but he's bound to find out soon. We have to work out whose house we are going to work at."

"Sadie, I feel bad. I didn't want you to feel like you had to tell me this but I'm glad you did. If you ever need any help, call me please."

All Sadie did was smile politely in return and then focused back on her work, I knew inside that she felt better about telling me this. Maybe I could talk to Les and see what he thought.

I was pissed and upset, Sadie was putting too much on her shoulders and I knew she was going to crack soon, you could see it in her eyes how tired she was. I couldn't let her go through this alone, she needed help and I was going to help her as much as I could. I was also going to give Jan a piece of my mind, whether he liked it or not.


	7. Don't Bring Me Down

_Author's Note: here is the next update, I am having a little trouble with this story with trying to get them together, I have an idea but I'm not sure if it will work so we'll have to see. Please read and review! _

_Bluehaven4220: yes, missy will be a big help to Sadie, glad you like. _

_Song: "Don't Bring Me Down"-Electric Light Orchestra, I don't own it so don't sue me, I am poor. _

_Sadie's POV_

So I told Missy and the truth was, it helped. It felt good to know that someone cared about me, my mother and relatives sure as hell didn't. I know my siblings loved me but the fact that someone did care and would be willing to help me out made me feel a lot better, I liked Missy. We didn't do much expect talk and work on our homework, I had done a little research for the project earlier and printed it off and had it with me to bring to class so I just hoped Jan would do his part. I had a feeling that it wouldn't be that way.

"You shouldn't have to worry about Jan."

I smiled. "I'm used to him, he's a jerk and I've known that for years. It's not like he's going to come over to my place and see what I've gone through and change, I highly doubt something like that would happen, especially with Jan."

She snorted. "You are right, that is likely but he needs to learn his lesson that not everything in life is easy and he will find that out the hard way."

"All of them will find it out the hard way."

"You are right Sadie, it's called Karma."

I smiled as she began packing up her things and she said," I'll see you tomorrow, if you want maybe we can grab lunch tomorrow."

"That'd be great."

"Don't worry Sadie, you can call me if you need me."

"Thanks Missy, I will."

After she left, I closed the door and locked up the house and began to gather up my things and take them to my room. It had been a long night and I had another busy day tomorrow, it was close to eleven o'clock and I still needed to take a shower and head to bed. I worked tomorrow till nine and then the next night till ten. I worked at the local diner down the street serving and sometimes I closed up the place. Then, I came home, made sure my brother and sister were asleep, and then finished my home and either took a shower or went to bed. That was my life in a nutshell.

_Jan's POV _

Shit, I forgot to print off that stuff last night. Oh well, I can give it to her tomorrow when we work on our stuff. We had a test today and then that was it, it was a small pop quiz but I wasn't prepared for it. I was never prepared for tests, not in my lifetime.

I walked into English class book in hand hoping that maybe she wasn't there but alas she was, Sadie was sitting in the back of the classroom engrossed in her current book. What a nerd.

"Sadie?"

She looked up from her book and said," Yeah? Did you print that stuff off?"

"Nope, I forgot to do that. I'll bring it tomorrow."

She smiled. "Ok. Be sure that you do. We have to work on it tomorrow."

I nodded. "I will."

She returned to her book as I made my way over to see my seat seeing Carter sitting down and said," She's such a nerd."

"She was the first one in the room."

I snorted. "Sadie is such a dork. I can't believe he parterned her with me of all people in the room."

"Sucks to be you." 

I nodded. "Sure does, are you going to Courtney's party tonight?"

"Probably, folks are out of town and she's got a ton of booze. Should be a good time."

"I would hope."

He snorted. "So when are you and Sadie supposed to work on the project?"

"Who knows."

"That is going to suck but it's not like anything is going to happen, she'll still be a nerd after we graduate."

I laughed knowing that would be the truth, she would still be a nerd after this and probably go to UCLA or wherever she wanted to go as for me, I was heading to USC and was stoaked about that, I was probably going to be in a fraterinity like my dad. He graduated from USC and so did his father so it's a family affair. It's a big deal.

_Sadie's POV _

By the end of the night, I was about ready to collaspe. I felt emotionally exhausted and it didn't help matters that my mother showed up around the time I was leaving with her new boyfriend, he didn't seem to friendly so I needed to keep my distance. The last few hadn't stayed long but she did have one that was with her for a couple of years and he took his anger out on me.

It also didn't help that I was cornerned by Courtney in the bathroom, she was making fun of me as usual and always liked it to rub it in my face that I would always be the nerdy girl and never make anything of myself but that's where she was wrong, I would make something of myself and prove everyone wrong. Prove that I could make my life out of nothing and put it into something, I could do it.

"So your finally home."

I grimaced as I brushed past her and uttered," Yes I'm home."

"About time. Your sister has been crying and yelling for the past hour for you."

"What does she want?"

"You."

I walked past her and down to my sister and brothers room, I could hear the two of them talking quietly so I knew he was trying to calm her down. I opened the door and walked into the room as Carmen smiled and ran over to me and I picked her up and asked," What's wrong?"

"We don't like mom's new boyfriend."

"Do we ever?"

He shrugged. "Nope but we really don't like him. He is really loud and yells constantly."

"Hurts my hears Sadie."

"I'm sorry sweetie, try and get some sleep. I don't know if I'll be home tomorrow for supper but Mrs. Jacobson will get it ready for the two of you."

"Okay. Goodnight Sadie, I love you."

"I love you both."

I kissed both of them on the head and walked out of the room after turning on Carmen's nightlight and made my way into the kitchen when I hear my mother yell," Sadie! Two beers!"

I opened the fridge and saw a twenty four pack of bud light and a twelve pack of coors light so I knew they were going to be here for awhile which I didn't need especially with the prospect that Jan might come over here and work on our project.

I walked out to the living room and handed the beers to my mother who just nodded and said," Richard, this is Sadie."

"Hi."

He grunted so I took that as a hello, that's most of her boyfriends do. They usually yell and scream at her or they don't say anything at all. That's what my mother's life was like, sometimes I wished that my father was still alive and then everything would be okay. At least, it would better than this.


	8. Everybody's Got Something To Hide

_Author's Note: Here is the next one, this will be the beginning of Jan's and Sadie's relationship changing and more drama to come. _

_Bluehaven4220: Your review made me think of a really good idea and an intervention will happen but not for awhile. _

_Song: "Everybody's Got Something To Hide"-The Beatles. I don't own it, we've been through this before. _

_Sadie's POV _

I can do this, I don't need anyone's help. I can take care of my siblings, work two jobs and finish my senior year and be ready for NYU or Loyola Maraymount which was my second dream school, if I didn't get into either of them then I would possibly apply at UCLA or UCSF. I arrived at school a little earlier than I had done in the past, I hoped Jan would have the stuff but I had a feeling that he might not, I had heard from Missy that Courtney's parents were out of town and she was throwing a huge party so I had a feeling that he probably wouldn't even show up to school which would make my life easier.

"Hey Sadie."

I jumped at the sound of Torrance's voice and said," Oh hi Torrance, I didn't hear you."

She smiled. "It's okay, you looked deep in thought."

"I probably was, did you want something?"

"I know your partners with Jan."

I nodded. "I am and it's been okay so far."

"Try not to let him bother you. I know he can be crude and mean but it's just the way he is and he'll get over himself someday."

"I know that and I won't let him get to me. It's not like him being around me is going to change him."

She snorted. "Nothing could change him, he is just going to have to grow up someday and grow up to his faults."

I smiled. "You are right but thanks Torrance. I'll see you later."

"Your welcome."

Jan changing himself when he was around me, fat chance that would actually happen. He was in for a cruel reality check once he graduated from high school and entered into the real world, it was harder than it seemed. I was used to it and I could deal with it and I knew he couldn't.

When I made it into the room, he was already there and sitting in the back with his head on the desk and I figured he had a rough night which consisted of drinking and partying with the popular crowd.

He lifted his head and his eye caught mine and he nodded and rose from the desk with his notebook in his hand and moved closer to mine and he said," Lets get this overwith. We are going to need to work on this stuff tonight, I can't tomorrow or for the next couple days."

I smiled. "Okay."

"We can't do it at mine because my parents are doing fixing up the dining room and living room so no one is allowed in there. How about your place?"

"That would be fine."

I prayed and hoped my mother wouldn't be home and my siblings would behave, I hoped that everything would be work out.

I pulled out a piece of paper as he waited and I wrote down my address and handed it to him and said," I get off work at five and then I'll be home, is that fine?"

He nodded. "I'll be over around then."

Jan would be at my house tonight. What in the hell was I thinking when I said that would be fine? I knew it wouldn't.

_Jan's POV _

So I was going over to Sadie's house to work, that would be interesting. I had never been to her house and from the looks it wasn't close to where I lived. I didn't mind making the trip though but I just wanted to get this project over with so I could graduate. I was feeling a little buzzed from last night, I had a rough night at Courtney's and that was just too much for me to handle. She was beginning to drive me insane, I love Courtney don't get me wrong but sometimes she can be a handful.

"So I hear you have a date with Sadie."

I snorted. "No, it's not a date. I wish I didn't even have to do this but I wanted to get this done as fast as possible. The quicker I get this done, the less time I have spend with her."

Carter smiled. "True."

It was close to the end of the day and I was heading to cheerleading practice, we were doing pretty well with the expection of missy who always made a point to crack jokes on me with Torrance, I ignored her just as much as Les was beginning to ignore. We were friends but not close or anything but I liked the guy, he was good person but I knew he was one of Sadie's good friends and didn't like me for the fact that I cracked jokes on her all the time, whatever.

"Hey Jan."

I snorted as Torrance made her way over to me and said," Hey Tor."

"How are you feeling?"

"A little better. You need something?"

"Les wants to talk to you." 

I sighed and said," thanks."

I walked over to Les who was working out and said," You wanted to see me."

"Yeah, I know you are going over to Sadie's tonight."

"Yeah I am."

"Don't make her life worse than it already is."

"What do you mean already?"

"You'll find out. It's not my place to tell you. " 

"Alright, is that it?"

"That's it." 

What in the hell is he talking about? What could possibly be so horrible about her life? I was bound to find out tonight.

_Sadie's POV _

I was hoping that my mother and her new squeeze would be gone, he was not my cup of tea but none of them were. They were usually loud, abusive, annoying, and like to drink booze like my mother. It was hard enough knowing that she was home and would be here for awhile, I would be mortified if she came home drunk while Jan was here. That would be enough for me to not show up to school.

"Is mama here?"

"No, she left and told us she wouldn't be back for awhile."

I breathed a sigh of relief and said," I have someone coming over tonight to work on our project."

Carmen giggled. "Missy?"

"No, sweetie not missy but someone else. Will you two promise to behave for me please?"

The two nodded. "We will Sadie."

"Good, now I will fix you two dinner before he comes over."

"Who is it Sadie?"

"Jan."

"Isn't that the guy that makes fun of you?"

"Yes, he is but please don't say anything to him. I get teased enough of him already and I don't want to be teased anymore."

"We won't Sadie."

I smiled knowing that they wouldn't and glad that mother wasn't around, I hoped everything work out.

_Jan's POV _

This place is a dump, she lives here. I was standing outside of Sadie's house not sure if this was really it. It was a total dump, it looked like it hadn't had a paint job in a couple of years and the shades were drawn to make it look like she was asleep or didn't want anyone to look in. Just as I was about to leave, the shades were opened up and I saw her looking out the window and I shrugged and walked to the door and seconds later she opened the door and said," Hi Jan, come on in."

She opened the door and I looked around her place which was the complete oppisite of mine, it was small, dingy, and not a lot of open space. I looked into the living room to see her two siblings watching television.

"I thought I had the wrong place."

"No this is it."

I shrugged. "It's tiny."

She shrugged and said," I know, there isn't much room. We can do this in the dining room."

"Sounds fine to me."

I walked down the hall and into the another small room with a huge table and chairs and threw my stuff down and asked," I didn't know you had siblings."

"I do, they are younger than me."

"Where's your mom?"

She winced and that was the first time I knew and felt I hit a nerve, I quickly changed the subject and asked," So did you print your stuff?"

"I did, it's upstairs. Hold on, I'll go get it."

She rushed upstairs as I plopped down in one of the chairs and looked around the room, the walls were light blue and they were covered with paintings or pictures. Mostly of Sadie of her siblings, I didn't even know she had any.

Seconds later, she came back into the room and we started to work on our stuff and she said," I know this isn't fun at all and trust me, I don't like it that much but the faster we get this done the better."

"Sadie, I don't mean to pry but shouldn't your mother be home?"

She didn't say anything at all and I knew I hit a nerve, her face lost it's color and she folded her hands in her lap and then said," She's not here. She's never around, she comes around sometimes but it's only if she wants something. I work two jobs and take care of my siblings and try and be there for them. My mother is an alocholic. Always has been. It's been like since I met you Jan, I started working two jobs when I was a freshman." 

"So, she never comes around."

She looked at me and said," Never. Sometimes she shows up with her boyfriends but that's it. My dad died when I was extremely young and my mother is a screw up and damaged her relationship with her parents and sister and by the time I was a freshman we were left fending for ourselves."

Suddenly, I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I didn't know Sadie's life was like this. Truth be told, I felt like a jerk.


	9. The Truth Hurts Doesn't It

_Author's Note: Here is the next chapter, this is the beggining of Sadie's and Jan's relationship changing and you will see a different side to Jan in the next couple chapters. _

_Bluehaven4220: yes he does! he will be a big help to her in the future. Glad you like. _

_Saide's POV _

So he knew, I couldn't tell what he thought. For once, he was actually quiet and that was a first. He didn't say a word after I told him about my life and what I had gone through. I wasn't exactly sure how he felt or the thoughts going through his mind, I didn't know how he felt for once. He was speechless.

Suddenly he looked up at me and said," I didn't have a clue Sadie. Does Les or Missy know about this?"

I nodded. "They are the only two who know. No one else, I am too embarrassed."

"You shouldn't be. You can't do this on your own." 

"I can do this, I've been doing this for years and I can do it. I just pace myself and take my time."

"What are you going to school after you gradute?"

"UCLA or NYU."

"What about your siblings if you get into NYU?"

"I will move them with me. I can do this Jan, i've been doing it for years. I have a much different life than you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You have had everything given to you on a silver platter and I have had to work hard for everything, from the day I met you in elementary school you bullied me because I was different and I didn't follow the crowd much like you. I'm myself and I like who I am, you are with the popular crowd and have everything given to you. You like the easy way out and sometimes life dosen't work out that way and I've come to terms with that but I don't think you have. You may think I am being harsh but it's the honest truth, your selfish, self absorbed, concieted, and everything always has to be about you. If it's not, you get upset and force people to follow your way."

I sat there as he swallowed everything I said, trying to come back with a quick comment but for once he couldn't. He sat there slumped over in the chair shaking his head as I got up and said," If you'll excuse me, I have to go to bed and get ready for tomorrow. We've done enough for tonight."

"You got it wrong Sadie. I'm not like that."

"Keep telling yourself that Jan."

I didn't see him out but seconds later, I heard the door and heard him speed off and for once I could've cared less, everything I said about Jan was true. There is no way he would change, not in this lifetime.

_Jan's POV _

She's wrong. I'm not like that, I care about my friends and I am myself. I don't follow the crowd, she's got it all wrong. Stupid Sadie Gilliam. But what if she was right? She couldn't be. I was feeling a rush of every emotion possible but Les's comment about Sadie's life not being what I thought was catching me off guard, she couldn't possible be okay having done that for the last four years, she was right that I have had everything given to me and I really haven't worked hard for it but it's the way I was raised.

As I walked into the house, I heard my mother in the kitchen and walked in and asked," Everything okay?"

She jumped at the sound of my voice, she regained her composure and responded," Everything is fine."

I smiled as she asked," How did your study date go?"

I shrugged. "It was an eye opener."

"How so?"

"I don't feel like talking about it now, maybe tomorrow."

She looked a little confused, I walked over to her and said," It's fine, I'll talk to you about it tomorrow."

"Alright."

I walked upstairs to my room thinking over what Sadie had told me, I knew she would be at school tomorrow and I also knew that we would have to work together, our teacher planned it out so that some of the days we work on our projects in class. I didn't mind it but tomorrow wasn't going to be easy.

_Missy's POV _

Something was up and I couldn't figure out what. Jan seemed sullen and quiet for some reason and Sadie didn't even bother to look at him earlier in English, the only time they talked was when they had to work on there projects and that was it. Now, I was in cheerleading and it was close to end and I noticed Jan kept looking at me and I turned around asked," You need something?"

"I wanted to talk to you."

"What for?"

He signed. "I just want to talk to you."

"Ok, what's up?" 

The two of us were outside and I asked," Does this have anything to do with Sadie?"

"How did you know?"

"You weren't your usually charming self to her in English and you seemed sullen and grumpy earlier."

"I went over to Sadie's last night and we ended up getting into an arugment. She said somethings to me and I got upset."

"What did she say?"

"She called me selfish, self centered, conciented, insensative, and told me that I follow the crowd and I don't do my own thing."

I snorted and thought," Sadie has him pegged."

I looked at him and said," Jan, I hate to say it but it's true. You are a very selfish person, I've seen that since the beginning, since the day I met you. You are into yourself and if someone tries to take your place, you get pissed. You are blind to who you really because I don't even think you know. You are surrounded by fake people."

"But."

"No buts about it, I can tell you a few other people who feel the same way."

"What are you two talking about?"

We turned around to see Les walking over to us he said," Sadie told me about the night before, I caught her before she left for work."

"What did she say?"

"Nothing other than she didn't feel any different than last night, she was glad she told you off. It was a long time coming Jan, you've been a prick to her since day one because was quiet and shy and not getting a chance to get to know her, she was different and you didn't like that for some reason. She's not a bad person, you two are different in a way that you've had everything handed to you and she's had to work for everything she has gotten."

I saw the color in Jan's face change and I said," The truth hurts doesn't it?"

Before he could say anything, I walked off with Les. The two of us had been hanging out recently and I liked him but only as a friend. I hoped I would see a change in Jan but at the same time I knew that would impossible.

_Jan's POV _

The truth does hurt, it hurt more than I thought possible. Hearing that from three people was enough, I was starting to think that maybe they were right. Maybe I was a selfish person, maybe what Sadie said to me was true. Just maybe.


	10. Yes I Would, If I Could

_Authors Note: Another update! i hope you enjoy, you will see a different side of Jan from now on and his relationship with Sadie will progress in future chapters. Enjoy! _

_Bluehaven4220: yes he did need to hear that and I'm glad you like! i hope you enjoy this update as well! _

_Song: lyrics from "El Condor Pasa (If I Could)"-Simon and Garfunkel. I don't own it.  
_

_Jan's POV _

"Hey Mom, you have a few?"

"Sure do. What's on your mind?"

"I went over to Sadie Gilliam's house last night and she told me somethings and I'm finding it hard to beleive."

"What? That you've had everything handed to you on a silver platter."

_"How did she know?"  
_

She chuckled at the expression on my face and said," Jan, I've tried to tell you that for years. You have had everything given to you like your father. Your dad used to be the same way until I met him and I put him in his place which I am assuming that's what Sadie did and you didn't want to believe it."

"That's right."

"What did she say?"

"That I was selfish, self absorbed, concieted, and I followed the crowd and I wasn't myself. I hang out with fake people."

"I hate to break it to you sweetheart but she's got you pegged. I've tried to tell you all that in the nicest way possible but it never worked and father told me to let it go and you'd find out for yourself." 

I sank down into the chair and said," What about my friends?"

"I've never liked Carter and neither has your father but you two hit it off so we never said anything, your friends are in for a cruel reality check when they graduate. I know this is hard for you to take but the truth sets you free and helps you realize your faults and helps you grow up as a person."

"Have you talked to Sadie since then?"

"No, she won't talk to me."

"I suggest you try talking to her and see if that gets your anywhere, aplogize and try to talk to her. You never know, it may help you out in the end."

"She won't listen to me, I've made fun of her and made her life miserable since elementary school. I highly doubt she wants to talk to me."

"Are you afraid of your friends seeing you asking to talk to her? Is that why?"

I sighed but she was right, a part of me was afraid that I would get ridculued for talking to Sadie. She wasn't popular and wasn't in the in crowd but as of last night, I wasn't exactly sure that the people I hung out were my real friends.

"I take that as a yes. Just talk to her. Trust me, it will make a difference in the end."

_Sadie's POV _

Ugh, I need more adderall. I am almost out and that's what help keeps me going, it helps me stay awake on late nights so I can get things done. I am not addicted to it. I just use it to help me stay awake and I needed it tonight because I had so much to do. I was still working on the project with Jan, didn't speak to him today but he seemed to be in a bad mood so I'm sure he was still soaking in when I ripped into him.

I heard a knock on the door and I groaned and looked at the clock and it was nearly midnight and I thought," Who could this be?"

I turned off my cd player and and opened my door and walked downstairs and opened the door to see Jan standing there and I asked," What are you doing here?"

"I came to give you this. I printed it off earlier and I knew you needed it. Let me know when you can work on this. I am free all this week."

I smiled looking down at the papers and he said," I've been thinking about what you said Sadie and I feel like a jerk." 

I didn't know whether he was serious or joking, I looked at his facial expression and couldn't exactly tell.

I clutched the papers in my hand and said," Can we talk about this another time? I have a lot of work to do. I had to work a late shift and now I have so much crap to do."

"Your mother come home yet?"

I shook my head. "No. I have to get going Jan. Thanks for the stuff."

He smiled and walked off, I closed the door and leaned back against it and hugged myself feeling tears spring my eyes and I thought," Maybe he can change."

_The next day..._

I arrived at school the next day a little earlier than usual and found myself face to face with Carter Phelps who snorted and said," You are such a nerd."

"What do you want Carter?"

"Quit messing with Jan."

"I'm not messing with him."

Carter snorted. "Then why the hell is he ignoring me and his friends? The only reason is you. He's been acting weird ever since he went over to your house. What'd you do to him?"

"I didn't anything Carter, just leave me alone."

"Carter! Leave her the hell alone!!!"

I was shocked, surprised, and a little confused. It was Jan.

"What?"

"Leave her alone and let it be. She didn't do anything to you."

I was having a hard time believing this, here was Jan sticking up for me and telling his best friend of all people to leave me alone. What was wrong with this picture?

The two of them were standing in the courtyard almost face to face until Les got in between them and said," Break it up boys."

"You are a making a huge mistake."

Jan shrugged him off and made his way over to me and placed his hand on my arm and asked," Are you okay?"

Still feeling shocked and surprised I couldn't respond but I was able to nod and he smiled back at me and said," Good, I'll see you in English."

"Okay."

He walked off as Les wakled over to me and asked," What was that about me?"

"He stood up for me and asked me if I was okay."

"Wow."

I nodded my head in agreement as Les was clearly stunned as I was, it was different. Maybe he could change. Maybe there was some good in him after all.


	11. It's Not So Bad After All

_Author's Note: Here is the next chapter, I hope you enjoy and like I said you will start seeing a different side of Jan._

_Bluehaven4220: i'm glad you like Jan now, I hope you enjoy this next chapter. :) _

_Sadie's POV _

Life was getting weird, first Jan stuck up for me, then in English he offered to take me to lunch which I accepted and I was going to meet him in a few. We were going out to lunch at the local diner down the street from the school, at the begining of the year we signed a paper that granted us to leave school property for lunch.

"Hey Sadie!"

I smiled hearing Missy's voice and responded," Hi Missy."

"I'm sorry I missed you in english today."

"It's okay. I am actually going out to lunch with Jan."

I was putting my books away in my locker so I couldn't see her facial expression but I knew she was mostly surprised, shocked, and stunned at the same time.

"You're going out with who?"

"Jan, he asked me after we worked on our stuff. I didn't know what to say at first but he seemed genuine."

"Wow."

"Yeah, you should've been here earlier. He stuck up me in the courtyard and told his best friend off."

"No freaking way."

"Yes."

"Sadie, do you think he is changing?"

I shrugged. "I don't know Missy, it's weird. He bullied me since the day I met him and all of sudden, he's been nothing but kind and generous to me."

"Well, just take it slow and take your time."

"I will."

"Hey Sadie, you ready to go?"

I smiled and said," I'm ready."

Missy smiled at the two of us as I walked past her with Jan, I could tell he looked worn out and drained and I asked," Are you okay?"

He shrugged. "I've been through a lot the past couple of days but it's a good thing, you really opened my eyes Sadie."

"But what about your friends?"

"What friends? I don't have any, no one wants to talk to me but I'm not mad at you. In fact, I should be thanking you."

_"Now he knows how I feel."_

"You don't have to thank me."_  
_

"Yes I do."

I shrugged as he asked," So do you do anything else for fun or just work?"

I shrugged. "I draw and paint when I have free time but that's it. I try and check out art shows whenever I can, I am going to one this week at University Of San Fransisco."

"Sounds interesting."

"It is, I love art. It's a way to express yourself instead of doing other things. I don't party or drink so that excludes from half of the senior class who do that."

"Including me."

I blushed. "Yes you. Why do you do it?"

"For me, it's a social thing. I'm out with friends having fun and drinking beer and sometimes stupid things happen but that's the nature of it."

"But don't you ever think of what could happen if you get behind the wheel taking people home and you are drunk and get into an accident. What if someone dies?"

For a moment, he didn't respond and I knew that he couldn't think of anything to say, that's what he did. He went to parties, got drunk, someone did something stupid and no one thought of the conseuquences which is why we are so different. I always think of the consequences of what could happen and usually my gut feeling always tells me if I should or shouldn't do this. I can't say the same for him.

"Honestly, getting drunk and doing something that is stupid and you might regret doesn't sound like much fun to me but that's just my opinion."

I could tell that he was speechless for once so I decided to change the subject, we were arriving at the diner and I asked," So how is cheerleading going?"

He seemed relieved that I changed the subject and said," It's going okay, we are having a little trouble. Seems like Big Red who graduated last night has been copying cheers and rotuines from an inner city school so now we are scrambling to put together new routines."

"Oh wow, I'm sorry. That must be hard. I know Missy was saying something about practices being much longer and strenous."

He nodded. "They are but I think we can do it."

This was weird, me and Jan were sitting in the diner having a regular conversation like we had been friends for a long time. I didn't know what this meant but I knew from now on, my life was going to be different.

_Jan's POV _

I was prepared for the backlash that was going to come from me befriending Sadie and trying to help her, in helping her I wanted her to be able to live a stress free life without her mother. I hadn't met the woman but I was bound to sooner or later, I was also prepared to lose my so called friends. In my short time of getting to know Sadie, I realized that she wasn't as bad as I made her out to be. Sure she was quiet and shy and focused on school but now seeing her home life and everything she went through, I could see why.

I felt like a genuine prick when I was at her house and she told me about her life, I made fun of her all these years for being so studious and serious and never wanting to have any fun. It wasn't that she didn't know how, she didn't really have a chance to go out and do something she wanted to do. I made a promise to myself to try and change my ways and at least show her that she can still have fun because I think that's what she needed. Just a chance to breakaway and not have to think about her home life. As much as she didn't want to admit it, I think that's what she needed.


	12. Don't Mind If I Fall Apart

_Author's Note: Here is the next chapter, I hope you enjoy this update. Read and review!_

_Bluehaven4220: yes that was very sweet of him, i'm glad you like and hope you enjoy this one._

_songs: lyrics from "Coming Around Again"-Carly Simon. I don't own them. _

_Sadie's POV _

So life was getting extremely weird, not only did Jan take me out to lunch but he starting to become a totally different person, I guess when I told him off he really did some deep thinking and realized that I was right. It was an amazing turn around especially from the person he was before, it was as though he was a new person. It was hard to believe.

As of now, I was in stress mode. Beside our english project, I had a ton of work to do and not enough time to do it. Thank god for my adderall. It helped me stay awake and finish my homework and get things done, if I didn't have it then I wouldn't able to accomplish anything at all. But another good thing, mom dissapeared and hasn't been around so I don't have to deal with her. I didn't want Jan to meet her, I didn't want him to see her and have her humlitate me in front of him. I don't think I could take that.

"Sadie, are you okay?"

I was startled to see Jan standing by my locker when I arrived, I was usually the first person here but I was running a little late.

"I'm a little stressed and worn out."

He grimaced. "I'm sorry, is it because of me?"

"No Jan, it's not because of you."

He smiled and asked," Has your mom come by yet?"

"No, she hasn't. I hope she doesn't."

He grimaced as we walked down the hall and I asked," Is cheerleading getting any better?"

"Nope, still the same. Courtney's being a pain, honestly I never realized until you chatized me how much of pain she was. Gosh, she's awful."

"I'm sorry, I never liked courtney. She always made fun of me."

"She shouldn't have."

"She will get hers when she graduates and enters into the real world."

"Your right. Are you doing anything this friday?"

I had to think for a moment and then responded," Not anything that I know, why?"

"The football game tomorrow night is here, we could go out afterwards. We could do something with Missy and Les."

I smiled. "That would be fine."

He smiled and said," Great. That would be fun, I'll talk to Les."

I smiled. "Alright, I'll see you in English."

"See you then." 

Maybe he can change, maybe he can be a better person. It was weird to say this but I was beggining to like Jan. 

_Jan's POV _

I knew I was making a good start with Sadie, I was taking it one day at a time. In my little time of getting to know her, I realized she wasn't as bad as I made her out to be. She was quiet and shy but there was more to her than that. I realized that she was an artist, she loved to draw and paint and when we were over at her house last night she was showing some of her paintings and drawings I realized that she was a fantastic artist and when she wasn't working, taking care of her siblings or doing schoolwork she was doing that.

"Jan, what are you doing with nerdy Sadie Gilliam?"

"She's not a nerd, she's much stronger than Courtney."

Courtney snorted. "Whatever you want to believe Jan."

"She is Courtney but your too snobby to see that."

"She has got you wrapped around her little finger."

I sighed walking down the hall and she grabbed my shoulder and barked," Don't ignore me Jan."

I turned around and said," courtney, go bother someone else and leave me alone."

"Everyone has been talking about you, how hard you fallen on your face. Don't expect to be sitting by any of us at lunch, we don't want you around."

"I wasn't planning on it either."

Before I could say anything else, Courtney stormed off in the other direction. I shook my head and thought," What did I ever see in her? She's a complete snob. I knew I made the right choice in changing my ways."

_Sadie's POV  
_

It was late when I got home and I was emotionally and physically exhausted from everything that had been going on, I was sick of my mother, stunned and still shocked at the turned of Jan, exhausted from work and school work. I had so much to do and such little time to do it in. I was stressed out beyond belief, things had been so hectic. I was still waiting to hear back from UCLA, NYU, and University Of San Fransisco. I hoped I would at least get into to NYU. I was hoping and praying for that.

I opened the door and found myself face to face with my mother who was on her way out, she stormed past me and said," You have a letter from NYU on the table."

I pushed past her and found it on the table and I slowly opened it as she laughed and said," be prepared, it's not like you are going to get admitted."

I ignored her and opened up the envelope and my face immediatly fell, I got rejected from my dream school. Tears streamed down my face as I heard the door slam as my fingers began to shake and I felt like my world had been ripped into pieces. I was hoping and praying I would get into NYU but now my dream was over.

I jumped at the sound of a knock on the door and I made my way still holding the letter in my hand, I walked to the door and opened it to find Jan standing at the other end and he asked," Sadie, are you okay?"

"I...I...diddn't geeettt innnn."

"What?"

I lost it, I burst into tears still holding the letter in my hand; I didn't know what Jan was thinkng until I felt his arms wrap around me and I collasped in a crying fit into his arms. I felt his fingers run through my hair as I sobbed and he comforted me and said," Shhh Sadie." 

My entire world was coming apart at the seams, why did this have to happen to me? My dream was completely crushed. Now, what was I going to do?


	13. You're Tearing At The Seams

_Author's Note: Another update for you! Please read and review! This chapter is drama and a little dark but it's sets up what's going to happen in future chapters. :) _

_Bluehaven4220: Yes it does stink but jan is there to save the day. :) _

_song: lyrics from "Heaven Forbid"-The Fray, i don't own them. _

_Saide's POV _

Why was he here? Why was I feeling his strong hands rub my back? Why was I feeling so comfortable in his warm embrace? Why was I feeling this way? It was Jan Robertson for crying out loud, the boy who I hated for bulling me for years and now he had turned around and expected me to be at ease at his sudden change, maybe I was feeling angry and annoyed that I got rejected but him coming over wasn't helping me very much.

"Why are you here?" 

He looked at me and said," I came to give you this. I forgot to give it to you earlier."

I grabbed it from his hands and turned away from him as he grabbed my shoulder and asked," What's wrong?"

"What the hell do you think is wrong?"

"Sadie, why are you acting like this? I know you are angry that you got rejected from your dream school but no need for the harsh tone."

"Thanks for rubbing it in, I can't deal with this now Jan. Just leave."

I bit my lip from crying as he backed away from me and leaving me with these words," You know Sadie, I know I haven't been the nicest person in the world to you but I am trying to change and if you keep pushing people who want to help you away you are going to end up alone."

He walked off as I turned around and shot back," Like you know how I feel so quit acting like we are best friends."

He turned around and shot back," I wasn't trying to act like your best friend, I was just trying to help you but obviously you don't want the help so I won't bother anymore."

"I would appreciate if you stop saying I need help. I don't, I am fine."

He grabbed my arms as I tried not to look at him and he said," You can't do this on your own Sadie, you are killing yourself slowly and I won't be a part of it. You can't take care of siblings while trying to live your life, you work constantly and do your school work while hooked on adderall, I'm not stupid and I know you take it. I know you won't quit. You need to stop this."

I pushed him away and stumbled into the house leaving him to stand in the yard, I closed the door and leaned back against it letting the tears fall down my face. I walked into the kitchen and looked outside the window to see Jan still standing outside trying to figure whether to leave or stay, I buried my head in my hands trying not to think about what he said.

_You can't do this on your own, you are killing yourself. You are going to end up alone, you can't keep track of your siblings all the time, you need to live your own life. You need help._

_No! I don't. _

_Maybe you do._

_I am fine, I can do this on my own. I can take care of my siblings and live my life the way i want to live it. _

_Maybe he's right. _

_No! Jan is not right, he is just concerned about himself. I don't need his help. _

_Jan's POV_

Jesus, she is going to kill herself. I can't believe Sadie won't listen me, she needs help and she needs me. I can tell she does, I really have to prove that I can help and want to help her. What can I do? Maybe I can talk to Missy or Les. Sadie can't do this on her own, she can't. She is killing herself and I can't let that happen to her.

_Are you falling in love with Sadie? _

_What do you mean? Love? I said I wanted to help her and I'm not in love with her, it's a little early to be talking about love and sadie in the same sentence._

_well, you said it yourself that it was killing you that she was doing this to herself didn't you?_

_Yeah, I did but that was just me being a concerned friend. _

I sighed as my mind rambled off and I tried to ignore my thoughts as I drove home from Sadie's house after the fiasco where she went off on me, I knew she was upset that she didn't get into NYU, her dream school but something else was wrong. I knew she took adderall, when I was over there the last time we worked on our stuff she mentioned it but I didn't think to much of it. Most of the kids took it at our school but I was beggining to get worried, I was worried that Sadie would take took much of it with something and overdose. I needed to talk to Missy or Les.

_The next day..._

I walked into English the next day and looked down the isle and Sadie wasn't there, I was baffled and confused. She was always here, never missed a day in her life. I was getting worried about her and I wasn't the only one, earlier in the hallway I was stopped by Les who couldn't reach Sadie at home and was wondering if I had seen her, I didn't want to tell about last night but I did and he said he was going to run by her house during lunch and see if she was okay and I was going to go with him.

"So I see you're girlfriend isn't here?"

I pretended not to hear Carter as I sat down in English and he asked," What? Aren't you going to say anything to me?"

"Carter shut up."

He chuckled. "You lost your spot in our group, I still can't believe you hang out with Sadie Gilliam. What happened to your hatred of her?"

"It went away, she's a completely different person than I thought. You don't understand."

"You're right, I don't." 

He never would, none of them would understand. I was begining to feel like I was at my wits end with Sadie, I was worried about her. I had never felt like before, especially with Sadie. I can now understand her anger and anamoticity towards me because I know that I was an asshole to her but I was trying to move past that and become a better person, I was trying so hard. I was, at least I thought I was.

_Sadie's POV _

I was home, I had a hellish night after Jan left. I cried myself to sleep trying not to think about what he told me, woke up around four and began crying and throwing up but I made sure my siblings got to school safe. I was begining to think that maybe I did help but at the same time, I didn't think anyone would help me.

I threw the letter away from NYU and began looking at other options, I was hoping and praying that I got into UCLA, my second choice but I knew if that didn't happen I would be out of luck if I also didn't get into University Of San Fransisco.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door and I heard Jan's voice and I shook my head, I was drained, exhausted, and worn out. I was emotionally and physically exhausted from school, work, and being a mother while still being student. I didn't want any company.

I buried my head in my hands until the knocking stopped and I figured he left and I could feel tears streaming down my face and I knew everyone was slipping away from me. Why was I doing this to myself?

_Jan's POV _

Come on Sadie, answer the door. We know you are in there. Just as I said that, I could see someone rushing down the stairs and I knew Les was in the car waiting for me as the door opened and Sadie appeared in the doorway and she looked as though she hadn't slept, she looked worn out and exhausted. She opened the door and stumbled outside as I walked over to her and she looked at me and I said," Sadie."

"Help." Was all she could answer as she crumbled to the ground. I walked over and grabbed her as she fell into my arms sobbing and clutching my jacket. Les walked over at that point and I responded," I'm going to talk to my mother."

Like I said, my mother was an attourney and maybe she could help us out. I hoped, for Sadie's sake.


	14. What If I Crash And Burn?

_Author's Note: Here is the next chapter, Sadie's and Jan's relationship is begining to change and you will see that in the next chapters. I hope you enjoy this next chapter. I am SO sorry for the lack of updates, I lost my muse for a shortwhile but regained it. Hope you enjoy! _

_Bluehaven4220: Yes he is a good boy and you see him be a big help to her later and much later see there relationship change. Hope you like one. _

_Jan's POV _

I was going to talk to my mother, I was going to help Sadie. No matter how much it took, I was going to make her life better. I was determined to help her out, I had a feeling my mother would be a big help, since she was a prosecutuer and she dealt with the sort of thing at least I hoped she would, I needed to do something and fast.

"It's going to be okay Sadie, I am going to help."

"We all will."

Les startled me a bit, I had forgotten that I was with him but the more the merrier. Sadie was still shaking and snobbing in my arms, I had never seen someone so emotioanlly distraught in my life but if you were in her situation you would be the same way. I felt terrible and I felt like a bigger asshole than before. Jesus, Jan why did you have to be such an asshole to her in the first place?

I sighed as she clung to me and then I pulled back and dried her eyes as she tried to smile but ended up crying as I grimaced and said," Sadie, when you're siblings get off school? Maybe we could go get them and then go to my mother's house and we can talk."

"I don't know."

"Sadie, Jan's going to help you. I am going to help you as well, give us a chance and don't push us away."

I think that was her problem, people wanted to help her but she ended up pushing everyone away. People that cared for her and wanted to her help but she had come to conclusion that she could do this on her own. She didn't need or want anyone's help and that was her mindset, it was a mindset that wasn't working anymore and now she had to take care of herself or she would fall apart.

_Sadie's POV _

So maybe I couldn't do this on my own, maybe I needed the help and most importantly my siblings needed the help. Seeing Jan and Les here made me nervous but anxious for the help. I didn't realize that Jan cared, I thought what I said to him went in on ear and out the other but maybe I was wrong. Maybe he did listen.

"What time do your siblings come home?"

"Around three."

I shifted my weight and looked at Jan who looked back at me and responded," It will be okay Sadie."

I just hoped he was right, I hoped everything would be fine. I didn't know if it would be fine, I didn't want to abandon my siblings and that's what I felt like I was doing. I didn't want to end up like my mother, not at all. I couldn't do that to them.

"Sadie? Are you okay?"

"I am just thinking about stuff."

He sat me down on the front porch and said," I am going to help you Sadie, I know you don't like me very much but I can help."

"I highly doubt it, what can you do?"

"Sadie, don't be like that. He's trying to help you." 

I knew he was but what could he do? Why would I need to talk to his mother? Why now? I was bound to find that out soon.

_Jan's POV _

We waited for her siblings to come home, I called mom while at Sadie's and told her that I needed to talk to her. She didn't press me for information, I was planning on talking to her about sadie and what I could do to help out. Looking at Sadie, I knew she wasn't in the mood for talking; she looked extremely wiped out and drained so I decided not to take her over to my house, I knew she was probably going to pass out in her room after putting her siblings to bed.

"Saide, will you call me if you need anything."

"I will."

I smiled as Les kissed her head and responded," Call me if you need me."

She nodded and as I saw a tear fall down her cheek he wiped her tear as she smiled and retreated back into the house, I watched as she shut the door leaving the two of us standing outside. I was at a loss for words, I knew that I would most likely be back here tonight, if I knew my mother she would tell me to take her over here and talk to Sadie. I hoped that by telling my mother that somehow Sadie's life would get easier. I hoped.

The day passed with thoughts running through my brain, mainly ones that were making me think how tough I had made it for Sadie instead of realizing that most kids didn't have life handed to them on a silver platter like me. I was begining to realize that I made her life worse than it already was and I felt like a prick. By the time, I got home I was hoping my mother would be around and I was in luck, she was. She was sitting on the back porch reading a magazine and I asked," You busy?"

She looked up at me and said," No, I'm not sweetheart. Do you need something?"

"I need to talk to you."

She set down her magazine as I took a seat next to her and said," It's about Sadie. I have found out somethings and I need your help."

"My help?"

"Mom, she takes care of her siblings. Her mother is alocholic who is never home. It's been like that for years, Sadie holds two jobs and takes care of her siblings. Mom, she's losing it. She takes Adderall so she can get her studies done, her mother comes around once in awhile it's usually to harass Sadie."

"You should feel ashamed of yourself Jan."

"You don't even have to tell me. I went over to her house on my lunch with les and she was basically falling apart. I told her to call me if she needed anything."

"Well seems like her mother can be taken to court. I can prove it if I talk to Sadie but I'm afraid that Sadie can't watch after her siblings until she wins gardianship of her siblings and if not they will have to be placed in foster homes."

"That's just it, if that happens she feels like she will be abanding her siblings."

"Poor thing."

I sighed as my mother looked at me and said," See what I mean. Not everyone lives the simple life like you do. You're friends are in for a cruel reality check when they get into the real world. I am very glad that Sadie gave you one, I was hoping you would realize that not everything is easy."

"I do now mom."

"JAN! You have a phone call."

I rose from my chair hoping it was Sadie, I picked up the phone and said," Hello?"

"Jannn, can you come get me? Mother's here and she's not happy at all. Her boyfriend just came in and he's looking for me. I'm afraid."

Fear and anger rose through me, I signaled to my mother and said," I'll be there in a second Sadie, I promise."

"Pleaseeee."

Before I could respond, the phone went dead and I was fearing that he hit Sadie. I was hopign he didn't or I'd never be able to forgive myself. 


	15. Daytime Nighttime Suffering

_Author's Note: There is a lot of drama in this one and some language but I think you can handle it. I hope you enjoy this next update. Read and review! _

_Bluehaven4220: Yes my muse came back! She is on a phone in her room and you will have to read and see what happens next! _

_Sadie's POV _

"There she is!"

Oh no, I knew the worst was about to come. I could see Richard, my mother's boyfriend walking into my room while I was cowering in the corner like a sick puppy dog that has just lost it's mother. I knew he was going to beat me, it's what they all did.

"Look at her! Cowering in the corner like a little lost puppy dog!"

"Just like she always is." 

I grimaced knowing that this was about to get worse as my mother kicked me in the back and I whimpered in pain but tried to stand up as well but she kept slapping me over and over and I finally grabbed her arms and yelled," You are not going to do this to me! I won't let you."

"Too bad sweetheart."

"Why don't you let me have a turn? You should put this kid in her place."

"I am about to do that Richard."

I was afraid for the worst, Richard was a big guy. I don't mean that he was fat but that he was bigger and muscular. He had well muscled shoulders and I knew that he at least been in fights before, he had tatoos all over his arm and he was smirking at me. I knew that things were about to get worse than they already were before.

Where was Jan and why wasn't he here?

_Jan's POV _

Why did her mother show? Why now? Why in the hell didn't I bring her home with me? These were all questions running through my mind. I hoped her siblings weren't home, my mother was with me and I knew that after this day things were about to change whether Sadie liked it or not.

By the time, we got to her house there were already three cop cars and an ambulance parked in her driveway. Oh no, I hoped I wasn't too late. I got out of my mother's car and we walked up to the front, the door was open and two officers were standing out front. They were both pretty young looking, at least five years older than me. One of them was writing a report and the other was talking to one of the paramedics.

"I will take care of this Jan."

I was worried about Sadie, I watched as my mother talked to the police. The door opened and I could see Sadie on a stretcher half asleep half awake, I made my way to her and I asked one of the paramedics if I could talk to her and his only response was," Only a few sir."

"Sadie, what happened?"

She didn't say anything for a few moments, I looked her over and her eye was covered with a bandage and she looked like she had been put through the ringer. I was really begining to regret the way I treated her, all those years that I was putting her through hell she was going through a hell of her own.

"I'm so sorry Sadie."

No response at all, I squeezed her hand until the paramedics took her in the bus and I felt like the biggest tool in the world. If something happened to her or she died, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.

"Jan sweetheart, I need to talk to you."

"Okay."

I walked over to my mother who said," They are arresting her mother and her boyfriend. They are being charged and they will most likely go to court. I know the mother will. Did you talk to sadie?"

"She didn't answer me."

My mother grimaced. "Jan, she will make it out. I know she will, I want to be there when she wakes up. I called a friend of mine who is a social worker, her siblings will have to be placed in foster care for now."

I grimaced wishing I would've taken her home with me, I wished I would done more before I left. Now, I felt guilty that I hadn't done more.

By the time we made it to the hospital, Les and Missy were there. I had called them before I left. I was hoping that they know something but from the looks of it, they didn't know anything at all. They didn't have any news, I was fearing for the worst.

"Hey Jan, Sadie's awake but she's not doing too well. She wants to see you."

I brushed past Les and made my way to the Nurses Station at the Cedar Crest Memorial Hospital and asked," Where is Sadie Gilliam's room?"

The nurse looked up at me and asked," Who are you?"

"A friend of hers."

"She's in room 112."

I smiled and said," Thanks."

I walked down the hall to her room and opened the door and quietly walked in, I saw Sadie lying on the bed looking around the room. She was hooked up to a few tubes and I could tell that she was having trouble breathing. Man, did I feel awful?

"Hi Jan."

I smiled as she rubbed her eye, I walked over to her and knelt down and asked," Are you going to be okay?"

"I hope so."

I smiled at and grabbed her hand and kissed her fingers as she smiled and said," What's going to happen now?"

"Once you're well and better, my mom wants to talk to you. Sadie, your siblings have been placed in protective custody until this is all overwith."

"Oh Jan, what am I going to do?"

"Shhhh."

I cupped her face and said," It will be okay, I'm here now and I'm not going to leave you."

She smiled and said," Can you honestly believe this? We used to hate each other and now look at us."

She was right, it was strange. Sadie had literally opened my eyes and flipped my life upside down but in a good way. I was lucky for someone like Sadie Gilliam, now all I had to do was make her realize that she can live a happy life even with all that's happened to her.

I made a promise to myself to do that. 


	16. I'll Believe In Anything

_Au Note: Here is the next update, this is the beginning of a new relationship between Jan/Sadie. I hope you like this update. _

_Bluehaven4220: Yes she is great and no that wasn't based on personal experience, glad you like and hope you like this one as well. _

_song: "I'll Believe In Anything"-Wolf Parade, I don't own it. _

_Sadie's POV _

I was lucky for Jan, I couldn't believe I was actually saying something like that but it was true. I was lucky for him, without him I would've probably ended up dead, I didn't know the extent of my injuries but I knew they were serious. I was seeing his mother tomorrow, the doctors didn't think I was the shape to do that now.

I could feel Jan's fingers laced with mine and I didn't say a word, for once it felt nice and comforting that someone cared about me. Yes i know it was Jan, the boy I hated for so many years. I remembered everything that went on between us, usually it was him making fun of me and how nerdy I was.

"What are you thinking about Sadie?" 

"How strange this is right now."

He smiled. "It is pretty strange, you taught me a lot sadie. A lot that I didn't think was possible, you changed me but in a good way. I am lucky for someone like you Sadie, it is really weird that I am sitting here telling you this. I wish I could take back all the stuff I said or did to you, I can't tell you how sorry I am. I wish I could take it all back."

Seeing the geniunousity in his voice and his regretful expression, I grabbed his hand and said," We all make mistakes, you should happy that you were able to move past that. Your so called friends will have a cruel reality check when they get into the real world."

The two of us were staring at each other for what seemed like eternity until the door opened and one of the nurses walked in, I knew it was time for him to leave but I didn't want him to leave.

"Can he stay? Please."

Jan shot me a look and I wasn't sure what it meant, the young woman looked at me and said," Mam, I can't do that. He has to leave."

"Please, I would really like it if he stayed."

She hesitated for a moment but then said," Ok, just this once."

"Ok, thank you."

She walked out as Jan smiled at me and I laid back on the pillow and closed my eyes, I felt Jan's lips on my forehead seconds later and he whispered," Goodnight Sadie."

I knew my life would be changing from this point on but I wasn't sure what would happen, I was anticipating that.

_Jan's POV _

By the next morning, Sadie was feeling better but not well enough to go home. She had bruises and lacerations from her mother and her boyfriend, I felt horrible for Sadie. I couldn't believe she had to go through all this and with that same small smile on her face like everything was going to work out. I wouldn't be like that. I would be falling apart but she was tougher, stronger, and could handle this.

"Jan sweetheart."

I was startled to hear my mother's voice, she had just arrived along with the social worker who had put her siblings in foster care for now. I felt bad for them, they didn't have a clue what was going on, they were far too young to fully understand what was happening especially her younger sister but it was the right thing to do for now.

"Hi mom."

Sadie was already awake and messing with her hair, the first I had ever seen her do that. She was using a hairbrush that missy had brought to her to use. For the first time, I had seen her messing with her hair and wanting to make a good expression.

"Mom this is Sadie. Sadie, this is my mom."

She smiled and said," Hi, it's nice to meet you Sadie."

"Likewise."

I excused myself from the room knowing that they would want to be left alone and found Les out in the hallway, Missy wasn't with him so i walked over there and he asked," What's up?"

"Nothing, they are in there talking to Sadie."

"No, I mean what's going on in that head of yours."

"Lots of stuff Les."

He smiled. "So you see finally see what I mean about her life."

I nodded. "I do. I feel like an asshole."

"You aren't the only that did, I was the same way when I found out. I just hope we can convince her that this is the right thing to do and she doesn't back out at the last minute."

"I hope you are right."

"She seems to like being around you which is a change of pace."

I snorted. "You're telling me."

"It is strange though. You two used to hate each other."

"I know, it's weird. We were talking about that last night."

I knew that things wouldn't be as easy as I thought they would be, I knew that Sadie was getting help she needed but how would this affect our relationship?


	17. Wash The Day Away

_Author's Note: This is the new update, this is the beggining of a new relationship with Sadie/Jan. You will also see a different side of Jan, I hope you enjoy. New title, makes more sense to the story and it's a really good song by sara barellis. _

_Bluehaven4220: His mother is going to be huge help to Saide, he does make a decison about Saide but not in tihs chapter and you see their relationship deep in the next couple chapters. You will also find out more abotu his siblings in this chapter! I hope you enjoy this one as well. Ps, thanks so much for your help! _

_Song: "Wash The Day Away"-Tv On The Radio. I don't own it. _

_Sadie's POV _

This was all too much, I couldn't believe this. My siblings were placed in the Olive Crest Adoption Agency which was located in Santa Ana which was an hour away from where I live right now and going to be placed in foster care when the time was right, I had come to the conclusion that they needed stable homes in a stable enviorment and I didn't know if I could give them that. I just hoped they didn't hate me, I felt like I was abanding them.

"Sadie?"

I looked up to see Jan standing by my door of the hospital room and he asked," Are you okay?"

"I'm just thinking about stuff."

"You did the right thing Sadie."

"I don't my siblings to think that I abandoned them."

He walked over and grabbed my hand and responded," Sadie, you aren't abandoning them. Why would you think that?" 

I sighed. "Jan, that's what my mother did to us. She walked out on us and didn't want anything to do with us, how do you they are going to feel?"

I felt Jan's fingers on my cheeks as tears rolled down my cheek, he wiped it away and responded," Sadie, they won't think that. You can't keep doing this to yourself. You are doing the right thing. Your brother and sister love you dearly and I don't think they would ever think about you."

"I just feel bad."

"Well don't feel bad Sadie."

"Well, I do. I can't help it."

I sighed. "Sadie you are doing the right thing by filing charges against you're mother and putting your siblings in a stable and safe enviorment."

"Jan, is there any way they can stay together? That's what I want."

"I can talk to the social worker." 

"Please, that's all I ask."

He nodded. "I will go do that."

"Thank you Jan."

For some reason, the tears didn't stop there. They kept falling and falling and I couldn't stop crying, I felt Jan's fingers wipe my tears as I smiled and said," I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, you're going through a lot lately and you are a strong person. A lot stronger than me."

I smiled. "Thank you. I couldn't of done it without you. I appreciate all your help."

Jan smiled. "It's not a problem, I was glad to help you out. We are friends now Sadie?"

"I know we are."

It felt weird to say that, it was weird looking at Jan and seeing a completely different person than I saw before. He was so longer crude, mean, selfish, and nasty but he was sweet, genuine, content, and very helpful. I couldn't of gone this far without him, I knew that this was only the beginning, the next step was the trial and I knew that was going to be harder than I thought.

_Jan's POV _

So the trial was this week, mom was letting me miss a week from school so I could be there for Sadie. I didn't even have to convince her to do that, I knew Sadie would need all the support she could get. She was doing better than the last couple days in the hospital but she would need time to recover. I was worried about her, I was more worried about her emotional state than physical if that makes any sense.

In the past three weeks, I had learned more about myself than I ever thought possible and come to appreciate Sadie and not loathe her. It was hard to imagine that this was happen but it did and for once I was glad that it did. I realized a lot about myself that I probably wouldn't have realized. I now had a greater respect for someone like Sadie, she was working her butt off everyday and trying to make ends meet and raise her siblings. It wasn't her choice, it was something she had to do. I was making it harder for her by making fun of her and teasing her from the day I met in preschool until now, I was ashamed of myself for that. I promised to become a better person and help Sadie, I made a promise to do that.

"Are you going back to school tomorrow?"

"No, I'm going to help you."

She smiled. "You don't have to do that."

"I know but I want to."

She smiled. "I'm lucky for you."

I wiped her brown hair out of her eyes and noticed how beautiful her blue eyes were, they sparkled when she smiled and I never noticed that before. I never noticed a lot of things about Sadie until I got to know her, she was a great person but most anyone looked at it is how she dressed and how nerdy she was. She always wore worn out jeans and t-shirts to schools, her worn out blue chuck taylors and zip ups and hoodies. She always wore the same black rimmed glasses and people were constantly making fun of her. I felt bad that I was one of them.

I wiped her eyes as she smiled at me and said," I bet this isn't how you want to spend your days."

"Doesn't matter Sadie, I feel better now that you are getting better."

She smiled at me and repsonded," What happened to the old Jan?"

I chuckled. "He's gone forever."

"I like the new Jan." 

_"I do too. I hope it stays this way."_


	18. The Start Of Something

_Author's Note: yes, another chapter of my jan story. This chapter is mainly from Sadie's POV. read and review! _

_Saarah: thank you so much! I'm glad you like, hope you like this one!_

_Bluehaven4220: he's not going to testify but she will in the next chapter. Glad you like and thanks for the help! _

_song: "The Start Of Something"-Voxtrot. I don't own it. _

_Sadie's POV _

_"Yes we all know it's better that yesterday has passed, now lets starting living for the one's that going to last." _

A few days had passed since the incident, I was now sitting at home preparing for the trial. It was going to start tomorrow and I was more than nervous, I was scared. I knew that I would see my mother tomorrow but mostly importantly that this was the beginning of a new part of my life.

"Sadie, why are you leaving us?"

I was startled to hear my little sister's voice and I smiled and said," Come here."

Carmen walked in and curled up in my lap and I said," Sweetie, I'm not leaving you. I love you so much and I always will, you are going to be in a better enviorment. I am not well enough to take care of you and give you the things you need."

"But...buuuut i wanna be with you."

My face fell hearing my sister sobbing loudly, the two of them were home and I was trying to get their things ready. They had been placed in a foster home, I hadn't met the parents yet but from the sounds of it they were a nice and loving family that would give my siblings the care they needed that I couldn't give them.

"Sweetie, I know you are too young to understand but I can't give that to you. I'm not well and I have to take care of myself and I will come visit you three times a week and you are going to love your new home, I promise. I love you both so much and I can't give you what you need."

"Sadie?"

I was surprised and startled to see Jan standing in the doorway, I didn't know he was coming over. I had planned on spending the day helping my siblings pack up their stuff, my brother was angry with me and I knew that he would be. I was working on coping with that as well, I didn't need the him over here. I appreciated the help but I wanted to do this by myself.

"I didn't know you three would be here."

"I tried to call you but you didn't answer."

"Oh, I was busy." 

"I see that."

Carmen was still sitting in my lap pouting no less, he looked at me and I mouthed," She's been like this all day."

He bent down as my sister looked up at him and said," She's weaving us."

"Hey, she's not leaving you. Carmen, she will never leave you. You are going to live with a nice and loving family, sadie can't give you what you need. She's not well and she needs to get better but she will still be a part of your life." 

For the first time in a last couple weeks, I smiled at him as my younger sister looked up at me and said," Will you visit me?"

"Of course I will sweetie pie."

Carmen hugged me as I mouthed," Thank you."

He smiled as Carmen got up from my lap and went into her room, I was still sitting on the floor when Jan came in and seated himself on the chair near my desk and he asked," How's your brother taking it?"

"He hates me."

"Sadie, you are going the right thing."

"That's what I keep telling myself. He's in his room, he won't come out and talk to me. I feel so helpless Jan, he thinks I'm abandoning him."

"You aren't Sadie, would it help if I talk to him?"

"I'm willing to trying anything at this point."

He smiled. "I'll go do that."

"Thank you."

It was hard to believe that this was happening, the life I knew and had been living was falling apart and I didn't know what I was going to do after the trial, I wasn't sure I could live in this house. There were so many memories, some good but most of the bad. I was still reeling from the beating I got, the memories from that wouldn't go away and I knew they never would.

"Sadie? Can you help me?"

"Sure sweetie."

I got up from my spot and picked my little sister up as she smiled and said," I love you Sadie."

"I love you too." 

I could hear Jan and my brother talking in his room, I hoped that what Jan was saying was helping my brother and not making him angier with me. I didn't want that at all.

About an hour later, I could hear the door open and my brother and Jan walked in Carmen's room. I was helping her pack up, most of their stuff was already packed up and ready to go. It was going to be so hard to say goodbye to them, very hard.

"Hi buddy."

"Hi Sadie, I'm sorry."

I smiled. "I'm not mad at you."

Jan ruffled his hair as I smiled and mouthed," Thank you so much." 

I was so busy helping my younger sister I didn't realize what time it was, it was close to nine and I knew Carmen was getting tired, tomorrow they were going to began living with their foster parents and I knew that this was going to be a tough goodbye. Goodbyes are never easy.

"I'm tired Sadie."

"I know you are sweetheart, you want to go to bed?"

She nodded as Jan smiled and said," I'll help you out Sadie." 

"You don't have to Jan, you can go home now."

"No, I want to help you Sadie. I don't mind."

I didn't say anything but nod to him, it was hard to believe that this was Jan. It was weird, I was still coming to terms with all of this and I was finding it hard to believe that we were friends.

Strange how life works out that way? You end up hanging out and being friends with the one person you hated? I wondered what was in store with me and Jan. Hopefully it wouldn't be as complicated as my life is now. 


	19. The Beginning Of The End

_Author's Note: so sorry for the long wait, here is the next update. This story is close to being done, I do have a few more chapters written out and then the epliouge. It's a little short but sets up for the next few chapters. Please read and review, hope you enjoy. _

_Saraah: yes that was a sweet thign for him to do, glad you like and hope you enjoy this one. _

_Bluehaven4220: Her brothers name is Charlie, glad you liked and hope you enjoy this one. _

_Song: Lyrics from "Young Folks"-Peter Bjorn and John. I don't own it. _

_Sadie's POV_

So, today is the big day. The trial, I was a nervous wreck. I had been crying most of the last night, I couldn't believe the day was here. Well, I could but it was still hard to imagine. I knew I would have to testify against my mother and I was not looking forward to that.

"Sadie?"

I was startled to hear Jan's voice and then I remembered that he would be here, it was first day of the trial and he would be in the courtroom.

"Hi Jan, why are you here so early?"

"I came with my mother, she's going to be prosequting the case remember?"

I nodded. "I do."

"You will be okay Sadie, you can get through this."

"I hope you are right."

Suddenly, I happened to see my mother and her attourney and I wanted to hide. She was too busy to notice me, her attourney was talking to her assuring that they would win. I hoped and prayed that they wouldn't. I felt Jan's hand on my arm as my mother passed me not bothering to look at me. This wasn't going to be easy.

As I made my way into the courtroom with Jan, I could hear my mother talking to the attourney and saying how ridculous this trial was and that she didn't do anything, I was so mad at her. She did plenty wrong to me and I couldn't hold my temper, I looked at her and yelled," You did plenty to us! Don't act like you didn't, I can't believe I held this in for this long."

Jan grabbed me and led me away from everyone and rubbed my arms and responded," Sadie, you have to control your temper. I know you are upset but that won't do you any good."

I knew he was right, it was hard to imagine me thinking that he was right but he was. There was no reason for me to get upset, it wasn't going to do me any good expect feeling more upset.

"Sadie?"

The two of us looked to see his mother looking at us, she smiled and said," It's time for the trial to being, Saide I'm not sure whether you will be up on the stand today."

I nodded as the two of us were lead into the courtroom and we were seated behind the prosecution, I didn't look at my mother or her attourney. I didn't want to look at them, not today and not ever.

The day started with opening arguments and I was ready for what the defensive would say. I anticipated it but I knew that my day on the stand wouldn't come today but maybe tomorrow, at least I hoped.

Basically, I was in a whirlwind of emotions. I felt happy and content that I was moving on but sad and upset that it to end up like this. I hadn't lived the happiest life but if there was one thing I was glad for it was Jan. He was there for me through all of this and I was lucky to have a friend like him.

By the end of the day, I was exhausted, drained, upset, and worn out. My day would come tomorrow and I was more scared than anything that I have ever felt.

I would have to tesitify against the one person I didn't want to see, my mother.


	20. Trials Are No Fun

_Au Note: This is still the trial, the next chapter will end with it. I hope you enjoy! _

_Bluehaven4220: here you go:) _

_Jan's POV _

As I watched Sadie, I heard my mother speak up," I would like to call my first witness to the crime, Sadie Gilliam."

I rubbed Sadie's arm as she stood up and made her way to the stand, she didn't look at her mother but nodded to mine and walked up the stand and sat down as the police officer read her the rights as they usually do then my mother asked," Please state your full name for the courtroom."

"Sadie Alexandria Gilliam."

That was the first time I had heard her middle name, I thought it was beautiful. I smiled at her as my mother asked," Sadie, how old are you?" 

"Eighteen."

"What do you do other than going to school?"

"I work two jobs and try to take care of my siblings."

She smiled as my mother asked," Does your mother ever come around?"

"Only when she wants something from me, usually she comes around with a new guy and all she does is yell and scream at me or my siblings."

"What does she say?"

"She tells me how stupid I am, how dumb I am to believe that I will make something of myself. My father died when I was young and she's always been like this, she drinks too much that she's ruined any relationship with her family. She's hated us since day one, she's never around so I took responsiblity when I was young to take care of my siblings."

My mother nodded as the questioning continued as I got prepared for the defense attourney and I knew he was going to try and corner Sadie and I hope she didn't back down from it. She needed to win this.

Now it was the defense's turn, the young man looked at Sadie and asked," So Sadie, why didn't you tell anyone about this until now?"

"I was afraid, I didn't think anyone would believe me."

"Why should be we believe you now?" 

"Why would I lie about it now? I was afraid and I was young and I didn't know what to do. I wouldn't lie and I won't sit up here and let you accuse me of lying."

"But why should we?"

Now Sadie was beginning to fall apart, I had enough. This guy was a genuine asshole who desereve to be kicked out. I could tell the judge was getting a little annoyed, he looked her mom's defense attourney and responded," Mr. Adams, please get to the point and quit badgering the witness."

Sadie calmed down only to be slammed again when he asked," Why didn't you ever report it?"

"Because I was afraid!!!! I was young and I didn't know what to do!"

I stood up and yelled," Come on, that isn't fair!!!"

"Sir, you have to sit down or I will kick you out of the courtroom."

The room erupted with shouts and yelling, my mother shot a look back at me as I slumped down in my seat. Sadie was crying on the stand, the room was in total destruction. Sadie wiped her eyes as everyone began to quiet down and the defense council continued his questions even though they were completely ludacris but I gained more respect for Sadie. She stayed tough and was able to answer the questions, she remained up there for most of the day. I could tell she was exhausted while up on the stand but she remained calm for most of the questioning.

While I was sitting there watching her, I began to notice how beautiful Sadie was when she had her down and when she was determined. I never noticed this before, like I said I've never noticed a lot of things but she was very pretty. Her hair was pulled back with a black headband, the weird thing was that this was the first time I had seen her with her hair down. Usually, it was up in a ponytail but today it was different. Sadie was different, I was beginning to realize what I fool I was for making her life a living hell. Seeing this and what she went through made me realize how hard she has had it while I've been living the easy life.

I caught her eye as she waited for the trial to end and something told me that she was beginning to feel the same way about me. There was this look on her eye that was telling me how much she needed me and I wasn't about to leave her. 


	21. Heading Towards A Breakdown

_Au Note: Here is more to the story, I do hope you enjoy this update. _

_Bluehaven4220: yes he is a good boy! Glad you like. :) _

_hsmprincess: thank you for the review! I hope you enjoy this update! _

_Jan's POV _

_"Sadie?"_

_"Hi Jan, I was just coming by to thank you."  
_

_I blushed. "For what?"_

She smiled back at me as I opened the door and walked out to meet her as she smiled and said," I want to thank you for being there for me, I don't know if I could have done it without you Jan. Thank you."

I looked at her and brushed her brown hair out of her eyes as she smiled at me and I saw a new light in her eyes, she was happy and healthy and that's what I wanted. A happy Sadie. I leaned down and brushed my lips against her cheek as she smiled and kissed me on the cheek as I moved my lips to hers and wrapped my arms around her as she smiled at me and said," You have changed Jan, I like the new you."

"You know I do."

The two of us were in a trance until I broke it and leaned down and kissed her as she whimpered, her lips were soft and warm as I cupped her cheek in my hands as I kissed her, I couldn't believe this was happening to me. I was absolutly in love with Sadie Giiliam. 

Suddenly, I shot up in bed trying to think about my dream which was weird. It had been a couple of days since Sadie had been on the stand and I had been having these dreams lately about Sadie, weird dreams about her mainly of me telling her that I was in love with her. I laid down in bed running my fingers through my hair trying to work everything out, my life had literally turned inside out because of Sadie.

A lot had changed for me, I haven't spoken to my so called friends in a few weeks since everything happened. I guess you could say that I had changed but it was hard to imagine me having dreams about telling Sadie that I loved her, I hadn't noticed a lot of things about Sadie.

It was hard to imagine that just one person can totally change your life, the way you think, the way you are, the way you act and everything that you thought you knew was a lie. It was strange to think how my life changed in one split second, I was more anxious than anything in the world to see how this trail panned out. Mostly important how Sadie was going to take it.

_Sadie's POV _

I wish it was over, I wish none of this had happened. Everything was so much easier for me and now it had changed and now things were much more difficult. My siblings were in foster care, I was a mess, and my mother wanted to kill me so life was just real peachy. It had been a couple days since I was put on the stand and I was just glad it was over, I hated being on the stand but knew I had to do it. I leaning towards the hope that she would be lose custody of us and that's all I wanted. The charges against her were child negligence and child abuse among others, Jan's mom told that she would possibly get ten to fifteen years and that made me relieved.

I was just ready for this to be over.

_The next day..._

As I arrived to the courtroom, I noticed that Jan and his mother were talking quietly and he was trying to get information out of her. I knew something was going but I didn't know what it was. As I made my way over to them, I saw Jan smile at me and I knew something was up so I asked," Is something wrong?"

He smiled at me. "Your mom fired her attourney, she doesn't want anyone to represent her. She wants to do it alone."

"What?"

Suddenly, I felt weak and I felt like I was going to pass out. I don't know why but I felt sick to my stomach and Jan must have noticed because he grabbed me and I fell into his arms struggling to breathe, I closed my eyes as he brought me in the courthouse. I don't why this was happening to me, I should be glad to hear this. Now I knew that this day in the courtroom was going to be emotional and I wasn't sure I could handle it.

I wasn't sure about anything anymore.


	22. Trials, Feelings, and Sadie

_Author's Note: Hello, here is the next chapter. If you can believe it, there actually isn't much more to the story left only a few chapters and then eplilouge and then I'm done. I have another story that I am planning to post but it's not another bring it on story. I have been writing it for the past couple months but wanted to wait until I finish one of my stories to post it. I do hope you enjoy this chapter, please read and review!_

_Bluehaven4220: you will see them together very very soon, i'm glad you like them together. Hope you like this update. _

_hsmprincess: Well, it actually doesn't put her in a bad position but after the trial is over things will start looking up for Sadie. _

_Jan's POV _

I held Sadie in my arms as my mother handed her a glass of water, Sadie was in shock and feeling low. I felt bad for her, I knew this would be a huge blow to her and I wasn't sure how she would handle it.

"Are you going to be okay?"

"I don't think I can go in."

His mom, Jane grimaced and said," Sweetie, I know this is upsetting for you. It would be for anyone in this situation but you did so well on the stand and I know you can do this." 

I rubbed Sadie's arm as she smiled at me, I felt terrible for Sadie. I just hoped she wouldn't take this out on herself. I didn't want that to happen to her but that is what I feared.

"Do I have no to testify today?"

"Nope, today is going to be closing arguments and then the judge will decide what to do."

Sadie nodded. "I'll go in."

She smiled as I helped her up and the two of us walked in the courtroom which was packed, she didn't even look at the defense table because I knew how much pain she was going through. I had my arms around Sadie for most of the day, she didn't seem to mind. A few times she would bury her face into my shoulder and I didn't mind at all, in fact I liked it. I knew that her mother was going to lose horribly, she wasn't even prepared and my mother was going to make sure that Sadie's mom didn't see the light of day for a long time.

We listened as the judge gave his speech and we knew it was turning in our favor, he was lecturing her mother and we listened to what he had to say which wasn't pleasent. I watched as he gave her mother the harshest sentence that he could give, ten to fifteen years to child abuse and negliance among other things. I saw Sadie breathe a sigh of relief as her mother was taken away, I hugged Sadie as she smiled and buried her face in my shoulder. It was a big relief for all of us.

"So she's going to prison?"

I nodded. "For a very long time."

I didn't know what she was thinking but I knew that she was upset and her feelings were all mixed up, hell I know mine would be too. Sadie had been through a lot in the past few weeks so I knew that she wouldn't express how she was feeling at the moment but from the looks of it she looked relieved but she also looked worn out and exhausted.

"Sadie, are you going to be okay?"

"I don't know."

I rubbed her shoulder as she leaned on me and I helped her get up from the bench, I walked her out as she buried her face into my chest and started to cry as I ruffled her hair as she clung to me and sobbed and I ran my fingers through her hair letting her cry it out. I felt terrible for sadie, this had to take a toll on her and I knew that she was feeling stressed out, anyone in her situation would be.

"Shhhh, it will be okay Sadie."

"No it's not."

"Oh jan, I've made a mistake by doing this."

I cupped her cheek and said," Sadie, no you haven't. You did the right thing."

"Then how come I don't feel like it."

As I drove her home in her car, I grabbed her hand as she looked at me and said," I still feel bad about my siblings, I put them in foster care and now look at me."

"Sadie, you didn't do anything wrong. In fact, you did everything right in finding the help that you need. Your siblings are in better care now, don't take this out on yourself."

"Jan, it's my fault. I should've taken better care of them."

Seeing that this was only making her upset, I looked at her and said,' Sadie, I'm not trying to tell you what you do but you can't do this yourself. You are only making yourself upset, you did the right thing. Anyone will tell you that. Don't do this to yourself."

"But Jan."

"No buts about it."

I looked at her as she intwined her hand in mine as I smiled at her and said," Don't do this to yourself, I don't like to see you do this to yourself."

"Can you stay with me?"

I nodded. "I will stay with you however long you need me."

I knew Sadie was going through a lot and not showing her emotions but I was also going through a lot, throughout the last couple weeks I became more in touch with my feelings and realizing that I did feel something for Saide, I just wanted her to be okay.


	23. I Could Be There For You

_Au Note: I decided not use the orginal idea I had for this part of the story but I have something else in mind, I do hope you enjoy. :) _

_song: "I Could Be There For You-Eisley. I don't own it. _

_Sadie's POV _

As I laid with Jan on my bed, I could feel his arms wrapped around me and his fingers stroking my forehead and I liked that feeling. I'd never felt it before and it was nice and soothing, lately I had been so wrapped up in what had been going that I hadn't thought about my relationship with Jan which was changing rapidly, I had noticed that he changed a lot since everything that happened between us and in that change, I actually had grown a little crush on him. He was less selfish and more helpful, I liked that about him.

"Jan, why are you doing this?"

"Because I care." 

I hid my face in his shoulder so he couldn't see my face, I felt his fingers run through my hair as I smiled when he kissed my forehead and he asked," Are you going to be okay?"

"I don't know."

I felt his fingers brush my forehead and I shivered as he asked," What did I do?"

"I've never been touched like that before."

"You mean, you've never had a boyfriend?"

I blushed. "Jan, I've never been kissed, hugged, held, or cuddled with anyone."

I leaned back to where he was looking at me as I smiled back at him as he stroked my cheek and I shivered as he brushed his lips against mine and I wrapped my arms around his waist as I felt his lips press against mine, I felt his fingers brush against my cheek and I have never felt like this before, being with Jan was something that I never imagined.

"Jaaaan."

He broke apart and blushed as I stroked his cheek and he asked," Was I going to fast?"

"No, you weren't. I've never done that before so it's all new to me."

"I know it is Sadie. I'm not exactly the stud everyone thinks I am."

"What do you mean?"

He sighed as I linked my arm through his and leaned on him and he said," Sadie, I'm not all that confident when it comes to woman especially after what Big Red did to me. We dated for awhile but she was using me and I felt like an idiot and instead of letting my feelings show I hid them and I put my anger towards making fun of you."

I sat there not knowing what to say as he continued," Sadie, everyone thinks I'm so confident and I have it all going for me but I don't. I'm rich and wealthy but not exactly happy, I've always felt like something is missing from my life but thought once I get to college I'll find it. When you told me off I realized that I needed to change and I also realized that the life I was livng wasn't making me happy."

I intwined my fingers with his as he continued and said," If you could believe it, I'm much happier than before. I acted like I was but I truly wasn't."

"No one is perfect Jan."

He turned to look at me as I cupped his face as he nuzzled my cheek and I smiled and wrapped my arms around him as he whispered," I'm sorry Sadie for everything I've done to you."

He kissed my forehead as I smiled and he asked," Are you going to be okay?"

"I think I will be but I'd appreciate it if you would stay over with me." 

He kissed my forehead as I looked at him and said," Is this really happening?"

He chuckled. "It is but only if you want it to happen Sadie. I know I feel something for you but I don't want to push you into anything that you don't want to." 

I wasn't exactly sure what to say but Jan did it for me, he leaned in and brushed his lips against my cheek, I really liked the feeling of being in jan's arms. I was no longer afraid of him but knew I could longer be without him.

_Jan's POV _

I looked at Sadie as she laid in my arms and my crush on her was growing at the moment, like I had said in the past I never noticed how beautiful she was. Yes, she was a pretty normal looking average girl but I never noticed how her blue eyes shined and how her smile instantly made you feel better. My life had literally changed, I went from making fun and critizing Sadie Gilliam to falling in love with her. Weird, how life works out.

"What are you thinking about Jan?"

"How weird life is."

She giggled as I kissed her forehead as she smiled and said," I was thinking about us last night."

I looked at her and asked," Really?"

She nodded. "It's almost the end of the semester and now look at us, what's going to happen to us?"

I kissed her forehead and said," I want to be with you Sadie and help you. I care about you."

"I know you do, I care about you too."

As we laid on her bed and talked about the last couple months and our feelings, I knew I was doing a good thing by helping and being there for Sadie. I didn't care what anyone thought of me, I was tired of being that way. I am who am I am like Sadie had taught me, she had taught more than I ever thought I would find out.

_Au Note: This may seem a little too quick but I know where I want this to go, i do hope you like. _


	24. Sadie, Jan's Feelings, and School

_Au Note: Well here is the next update, the next few will come out pretty quick so I hope you enjoy. :) Please read and review! _

_Sadie's POV _

So do I have a boyfriend now or what? This was all so weird but at the same time, I loved the thought of having a boyfriend. I'd never had one before and now I had one, tonight was weird. I could hear Jan's soft breathing as he lay next to me, I looked at him as he slept and he was so adorable when he slept, his hair was in his eyes and his lips were crinkled into a small smile. I never thought it would go this far, I just thought he would become a good friend to me but not anything more than that.

But what he would with a girl like me? I'm not pretty, funny, or anything like the girls he used to date.

"Jan?"

All I heard was a mumur from him as I shook him again and he rubbed his eyes and looked at me and asked," Sadie? Are you okay?"

"I was just thinking."

He wrapped his arms around me and asked," What about?"

"Us."

"What about us Sadie? Are you having second thoughts?"

"No, not about that but just why would you want to be with a girl like me? I'm not pretty like most of the girls you used to date."

"Sadie." 

He cuppped my cheek as I smiled at him and he responded," Sadie, I like you for you. Most the girls I used to date are airheads but you aren't. You're beautiful, intelligent, funny, caring and you use your head instead of saying something stupid just to make you look good. I like what's on the inside as well as what's on the outside."

I smiled as he leaned in and kissed me as I whimpered and curled up in his arms, he kissed me softly as I wrapped my arms around him, Jan's fingers brushed against my cheek moving slowly down my cheek and I sighed when his hand drifted under my shirt and began rubbing my back as I buried my face into his chest as he kissed me harder and he cupped my face in his hands and soon the two of us were in a passionate embrace that none of us wanted to break, I bit my lip as I felt his hand rubbing my back and I didn't move, I liked the feeling but I had to wonder what would happen when we got back to school.

_Jan's POV _

"Are you coming to school tomorrow Sadie? If you want, I could pick you up."

"I'm coming tomorrow and I think I will be fine."

He smiled. "You are making a good choice with this Sadie, I promise I won't hurt you."

"I know jan but this is all new for me."

I cupped her cheek as she smiled at me and rested her hands on my chest, I kissed her nose and said," Everything will be fine, trust me Sadie."

I knew that this would a new sort of test for Sadie but I knew we could do it, I just hoped Sadie would see that and not stress herself out.

She wasn't moving and I could hear her soft breathing and I knew she was asleep, I watched her sleep and there was something about her when she was sleeping that made my heart flutter. I never imagined that life would turn out this way but I was happier that it did.

_The next day..._

As I walked up to the school trying to look for Sadie, I finally noticed her huddled against the school building arms folded across her chest and it looked like she had been crying, great what happened now?

"Sadie?"

"I need to go home."

"Why?"

She wiped her eyes. "I can't take it here anymore. Everyone has been talking about me, the trial and everything. I ran into Carter who pushed me and my books spilled all over the place."

I pulled her into my arms and wiped her eyes and said," Don't listen to him, he's a stupid jerk. I know it's hard Sadie but don't listen to any of them."

"They are talking about you too."

"I don't care."

"Are you sure you want to be seen with me?"

I cupped her face and kissed her forehead and said," How many times do I have to tell you that I am smitten with you and I don't care what anyone thinks."

She smiled and I knew this wasn't going to be easy like I had hoped, now I had to worry about something happening to Sadie at school. She didn't need that. _  
_


	25. Les Finds Out

_Au Note: Another update for you, the next will be more frequent. I do hope you enjoy, please read and review. _

_Bluehaven4220: yes i know they are adorable:) _

_Jan's POV _

As I stood on the field during the football game, I looked into the stands to see Sadie eating a hot dog and I chuckled when as she soon as she ate it the mustard and ketchup spilled all over shirt. She grabbed the napkins and wiped her shirt off and looked up knowing that I smiling at her and she rolled her eyes at me just as Les leaned over and asked," Wanna tell me what's going on between you two?"

I hadn't had the time to tell Les or anyone else for that matter about Sadie being my girlfriend, we hadn't told anyone but now I was going to tell Les because I knew he wasn't going to let up on me.

"Oh yeah, I hadn't found the time to tell you that we are a couple."

His eyes grew wide and I asked," What's wrong?"

"Jesus Jan, one day you go from hating Sadie to now saying she's your girlfriend."

"She is, even ask her. We haven't been together for that long but I'm happy with her. I know it's weird to see knowing that I grew up hating the girl but she changed me Les."

"You can say that." 

"I haven't talked to Sadie in a few days, last time I talked to her was the day after she went on the stand. How is she doing?"

"Why don't you ask her after the game?"

He nodded. "I will do that but don't hurt her Jan, that's all I ask."

"I wouldn't dare hurt her."

First day back to school for me and Sadie had been a test, we were constantly hearing people whisper things but we didn't do or say anything about it. They could talk all they want, nothing was going to keep from being with sadie. We sat together during lunch and she talked about looking at colleges in California which made me happy, I knew why she was looking out of state. It was to get out of California as fast as she could and I couldn't blame her but now that all of her troubles were over, she was concentrating on staying here and finishing her school year. I was planning on asking her about USC, I was going to USC and we would be close to one another. That's what I wanted.

The game was no over and I watched Sadie as she got up from the bleachers and watched as her brown hair fell in her eyes until Missy elbowed me in the arm and I rolled my eyes as she asked," So I hear you and Sadie are a couple?"

I nodded. "Yes we are."

"Interesting Jan, when did this happen?"

"A few nights ago, I know what you are going to say but I know what I'm doing and I didn't force her to do anything with me."

"Who said you did?"

"No one."

"So what made this come about?"

"A lot of things Missy."

"I see. We might be going to Nationals in Flordia."

"Really?"

"Yep, we might be going but we aren't sure yet. Not much has happened since you left but Big Red came by and heard about you being with Sadie."

"What'd she say?"

"Just poking fun of you."

I shook my head as Missy shrugged and responded," You are doing a good thing by being there for Sadie. Don't listen to anyone else."

She walked off to the lockerroom as I walked into our and decided to change into my street clothes, I didn't know what I was doing with Sadie afterwards. She looked worn out and tired so I didn't think we would doing much but as long as I got spend time with her than I was good to go.

_Sadie's POV  
_

"Hi Les."

He smiled and asked," So you wanna tell me about you and Jan?"

I blushed. "I thought you knew."

"Nope, he just told me a little while ago."

"I really like him Les, he's changed. He's a good guy, I know he won't hurt me."

"Are you sure your ready for something like this?"

I looked at him and said," Yes I am. Why would you think I'm not ready for something like this?"

"Sadie, come on. You and Jan used to hate each other and now the two of you are a couple, that was really quick. Are you sure your ready for something like this especially everything that you went through?"

"Yes I am!" I snapped at him.

"There's no reason to snap at me Sadie."

"Well, there's no reason for you to treat me like I'm a little child."

"That's not what I'm doing Sadie."

"Yes you are. Just leave me alone, I know what I'm doing and just because you don't like Jan and you think he hasn't changed there's no reason for you to tell me what to do."

"What's going on?"

We both looked to see Jan standing there car keys in hand looking at the two of us, I was about ready to slap Les. I didn't know why he was making such a big deal out of this, I was ready for this.

"It's nothing Jan, see ya later."

I was still upset even when Jan kissed my head and he asked," What's wrong?"

"He doesn't think I'm ready for something like this." 

"Why?"

"I don't know."

Jan intwined his fingers with my hand as I leaned on him and said," i am ready for something like this, I know I am."

He kissed my head and said," Maybe it will take some time getting used to Sadie."

"I hope so. I want to be with you and I'm happy."

"Me too." 

I was ready for a relationship, I knew I was. I was happy with Jan and he was happy with me and that's all that mattered to me. 


	26. Being With Jan

_Au Note: here is the next chapter, I have a lot planned for this story so I hope you enjoy. Please read and review. There might be some smut in the next chapter but it's nothing you haven't heard or seen, I just thought I would warn my reviewers. It may seem a little early for that btu I know what I'm doing so I do hope you enjoy this chapter and continue reading! Please read and review! _

_Jan's POV _

"Oh Jan, you have a beautiful home."

"Thanks Sadie."

I was glad that Sadie was feeling a bit better, she was feeling a little low after leaving the football game. I didn't know to the full extent of what Les had told Sadie but I wasn't worried. We were back at my house getting ready to eat pizza's and watch a movie in the den, Sadie was admiring the art work my mother had scattered around the house.

I held her hand as she smiled at me and we walked into the den and I felt her intwine her fingers with mine and I smiled at Sadie and kissed her cheek and she said," Jan, I am happy with you. I'm happier than I have ever been."

I smiled and kissed her nose as she set her things down and slipped of her slip ons and relaxed on the couch, she looked so beautiful yet so simple. She was wearing comfy blue jeans and blue pull over and of course she had a headband in her hair, she had been wearing those a lot and I liked that.

I set the pizza's down and popped in the movie and relaxed on the couch, Sadie curled up in my arms as I kissed her forehead as she asked," What are you doing tomorrow?"

"I don't know yet, why do you ask?"

"I'd like to spend the day with you."

I kissed her head and responded," Then that's what we'll do. I'll take you out to breakfast and we'll spend the day together, maybe we can go to six flags."

She beamed. "I'd like that Jan." 

Sadie resumed her spot next to me as I kissed her cheek and she giggled as I turned to face her as she smiled at me and kissed my cheek and then concentrated on the movie, I grabbed a piece of pizza and began to eat it, I watched Sadie as she watched the movie and I held her tighter and she leaned back and looked at me and she pulled me closer and for once it wasn't me making the first move. I kissed her softly as she wrapped her arms around me and I shifted my position as she kissed me harder. I could feel her warm hands rub my neck and I groaned as she whispered," Did I do something wrong?" 

I shook my head and kissed her cheek as she smiled and hugged me as I smiled at her and she said," Jan, I've never done this kind of thing before."

I smiled and responded," It's okay Sadie, you are doing fine. If you want to quit then tell me so and we will."

She nodded as my hand drifted down her shirt and I rubbed her belly as she giggled and smiled at me and I moved my hand up her shirt as she whimpered upon feeling my cold hand moving up her chest as she leaned up and kissed me as I held her tight in my arms until I felt her grab my hand and place it under her shirt like it was before, I smiled and kissed her and unbuttoned her shirt as she whimpered and I asked," You sure Sadie? We can quit anytime."

She nodded. "I'm sure Jan."

Just as I almost kissed her I could hear my parents talking to each other and I pulled away from Sadie as she buttoned her shirt and smiled at me, I resumed my spot next to her and kissed her forehead as she smiled and said," What time are you planning on picking me up tomorrow?"

"Does around nine sound good for you?"

She nodded. "That would be fine, can you take me home now? I'm tired Jan."

I nodded. "I will Sadie, you look tired." 

I was happy with Sadie, tonight was a big step in my mind towards Sadie moving on and having a better and happier life. I was falling harder for Sadie as the moments passed, I found that sometimes hard to believe.

_Sadie's POV _

My heart was still racing as I climbed into the front seat of Jan's car, I'd never felt like this before. No one had touched me like that, I liked the feeling of his cold hand running up my chest and rubbing my belly. I was falling harder for Jan, he was handsome, funny, sweet, and everything that I needed.

I was looking forward to spending the day with him and I wanted to be with him, not in the sexual sense. It's way to early to start talking about that but in the emotional and physical sense, the more time I spent with Jan the more I was finding myself in love with him.

"Are you okay Sadie?"

I smiled. "I'm fine, I've never done anything like that."

He turned to look at me as he parked the car in front of my house and asked," Did I do something wrong?"

"No, you didn't. I liked it."

He smiled. "You did?"

"I did, I didn't mind it at all." 

He leaned over and kissed me softly as I smiled and he whispered," Goodnight Sadie."

"Goodnight Jan."

"I'll pick you up tomorrow around nine and we'll spend the day together."

I smiled. "Ok."

He kissed me once more until I got out of the car and walked up to my house still feeling on cloud nine, my heart was still pounding from being so intimate with Jan. I trusted him and I wondered what this would mean for our future.

__


	27. Sadie Starts To Question

_Au Note: There is a little smut in this chapter but it will all make sense in the next chapters to come. I do hope you enjoy. Please read and review! _

_Bluehaven4220: Glad you loved it, thanks for all your help! _

_Sadie's POV _

"Hi Jan!"

He smiled and wrapped his arms around me as I giggled and fell into his embrace and I kissed him as he rubbed my side and said," You sure are energetic today!"

I smiled. "I'm spending it with you, why wouldn't I be?"

He chuckled. "You just seem happier."

"I am happy."

"Good, now lets get going Sadie."

He smiled at me as I held his hand and I happen to notice how good he looked today, he looked good the past couple days but today he looked extremely handsome. He was wearing faded jeans and a USC sweatshirt, I could tell that's where he was going for college. He looked at me and asked," I have something to ask you."

"Sure, what is it?"

"A friend of mine who goes to USC invited me to a party tonight, I know you aren't much for parties so if you don't want to go when we won't."

I'd never been to one before, I looked at him and said," I've never been to one before."

"You don't have to decide now Sadie, just think about it."

"I will."

I smiled at Jan who leaned over and nuzzled my cheek and whispered," Did you do something different Sadie?"

"No, why?"

"You just seem different."

I looked down at my new pair of blue jeans and my favorite sweatshirt. I was also wearing my new black flats that I had bought the other day at a thrift store on my lunch break but other than that, I didn't look out of the ordinary.

"Nope, I'm still the same old person."

He smiled and I was looking forward to spending the day with him, he held my hand the entire car ride through downtown, he was taking me to San Diego and I was excited to go.

"Jan, I'm so happy with you."

"I'm glad Sadie, I want you to be happy. I was going to ask you about looking at USC, I know they have art programs there and I know you also wanted to do something in communcations."

"I will have to take a look Jan."

"My friend, Roger who called me earlier is a communcations major so maybe you could talk to him. He loves it."

I smiled. "Maybe we could go to that party for awhile, I don't want to drink though."

"You don't have to. I just thought it would be fun and I haven't seen Roger in awhile."

I smiled. "Then, lets do that."

"Are you sure?"

I nodded knowing that I would be in good hands, I knew Jan wouldn't let anything happen to me. I trusted him with my heart and soul.

Jan smiled and kissed my head, it was a beautiful day but a bit chilly. Jan held my hand as we walked through San Diego, just being in his company made me happy. I no longer felt scared or unsure, well I did a little bit but I knew I would get over that feeling and it would go away.

"My birthday is coming up jan."

"Is it?"

I nodded. "It's November 19th."

"I will have to do somethign special for you."

I smiled. "You are too sweet. What happened to the old Jan?"

He leaned over and said," He's gone forever."

I smiled as I enjoyed spending my day with Jan, we walked through out San Diego checking out everything and I had so much fun with him. Now, we were headed over to USC for this party that he wanted to take me to. He smiled and hugged me as I kissed him and wrapped my arms around him and he nuzzled my cheek and said," When you want to go, just let me know."

"I will."

I held his hand as we walked into the packed house, it wasn't like I thought it would be. I saw Jan smile when a tall young man with glasses and curly hair smiled and said," Hey Jan, nice to see you here."

"Hey Roger, this is my girlfriend Sadie."

I smiled. "Hi Roger."

"Hey you didn't tell me you had a girlfriend, that's awesome Jan."

He smiled. "I sure do."

I smiled as Jan held me close to him and I stuck with him, Jan knew his way around so I asumed this is where he partied. It had to be, this placed was packed.

He held me close as Roger asked," Sadie, do you want a beer?"

"No, I'm fine."

"You sure?"

I nodded. "I'll be good." 

Throughtout the night, I stayed with Jan for the most of the night but I was having a good time. I never thought I would have a good time but I did, it's not like I was admitting that I was going to party non stop but I had fun.

"Are you having fun Sadie?"

I smiled as Jan nuzzled my cheek and I asked," Are you having a good time?"

He nodded. "I am but I am just more happy that you are. I heard you talked to Roger about his major."

"I did, I may have to check out the communcations program here at USC."

He smiled and I knew that made him happy, he was going to USC. It was a tradition in his family, his dad went and so did his grandfather and so on. I knew from prior conversations with Jan he wasn't actually sure what he wanted to do.

Throughout the night, I stayed with Jan until the two of were alone in the pool room. Usually, it was packed on this night it was empty. Jan brushed his lips against mine as I smiled and he kissed me softly as I sat in his arms for a few minutes until his tongue brushed against mine lips and I opened my mouth but held on to him tighter as we kissed each other. I entangled my fingers in his hair as he kissed me harder, I sank into his arms as he caressed my side and I liked this feeling.

I felt Jan's fingers caress my cheeks as I kissed him as he moved his lips to my neck as I whimpered and he stopped and looked at me and I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him back as he shifted his weight so he was now sitting next to me but we were still close, I smiled as Jan moved his lips to my neck but I whimpered when I felt his fingers unbutton my pants and I closed my eyes as he kissed me and whispered," Do you want me to stop? I will Sadie."

I shook my head. "Nope."

"Are you sure?"

I nodded as he kissed me and I whimpered louder than before, I'd never done anything like this before. This was all new to me but for some reason it didn't scare me. Well it did a little bit but I really enjoyed it.

I opened my eyes as Jan kissed me and he opened his mouth as I wrapped my arms around his waist and he continued moving his hand as I buried my face into his neck and he whispered," Sadie, do you want me to quit?"

I shook my head as he continued until I gasped and whimpered," Jaaaaaan."

He took his hand out and kissed me softly until I calmed down, that was the most incredible thing I've ever done in my entire life.

Jan smiled and kissed me as I looked at him and whispered," Your amazing."

He leaned down and pecked me on the cheek as I leaned over and nuzzled his cheek and he whispered," I happen to think you are even more amazing sadie."

He brushed his lips against mine as I smiled and thought how drastically things had changed for me but was I actually making the right choice? Was this going too fast or was I overreacting? I only had to wonder.


	28. Sadie's Reaction

_Au Note: Hello, here is the next update and it's a little short. I do hope you enjoy! Please read and review!_

_Bluehaven4220: you will see how Sadie reacts in this chapter! _

_Jan's POV _

I was still in a tight embrace with Sadie when she looked at me and asked," Have you ever done that with anyone else?"

I shook my head. "Sadie, like I told you before I'm not as tough and confident as I might seem. I haven't really had a serious girlfriend expect for you."

Sadie smiled and I kissed her softly as she whispered," I liked it, I've never felt like that before."

I smiled and kissed her once more as she buried her head in my chest and I kissed her forehead softly, I was scared at first of being so intimate with Sadie but now knowing that she liked what I did made me feel a little better and she looked happier. Anything to make her happy.

I smiled as she looked at me and I kissed her, I knew it was getting pretty late so we were probably heading out of here soon. I didn't know if taking her here would be such a good idea but she surprised me, she told me she enjoyed it and from the look on her face she did enjoy it.

"I'm tired Jan."

I smiled and kissed her as she zipped her pants up and I held her close as we walked out of the frat house and once inside the car, she looked at me and I asked," Are you okay?"

She nodded. "I'll be fine."

I wasn't so sure she was okay, I hoped that she wasn't having second thoughts about being with me and starting a relationship or what Les had told her. I figured he told her that it wasn't a good idea and I just hoped that she wasn't reading too much into what he had told her.

"Goodnight Jan."

I smiled and looked at her and kissed her forehead as she smiled at me and I said," I'll call you tomorrow."

"Ok, thanks for everything Jan. I had a lot of fun."

"You don't have to thank me."

She smiled and hopped out of my car and walked into her house and I waited until she made it in her house and then sped off towards mine, I had cheerleading tomorrow and then I planned on dropping by Sadie's house and taking her out to lunch, I just hoped she would be okay.

_Sadie's POV _

Maybe this was too much for me, I thought maybe these feelings of being scared and afraid would go away but they were still with me. Maybe we were going to fast, maybe Les was right.

Suddenly, the phone rang and I picked it up and said," Hello?"

"Hey, it's Missy."

"Oh hi Missy, how are you?"

"I'm doing fine, how about you?"

"I'm a little confused."

"What do you mean Sadie?"

I sighed. "I think we may be moving to fast. We started a relationship as soon as the trial was over."

"Sadie, are you happy?"

"I don't know."

"I know Les is upset, he doesn't think it's a good idea for the two of you to date so suddenly."

"I think we are moving to fast. I just need to take a break and collect my feelings."

"Then maybe you need to tell him that."

"I just don't know how."

"Talk to him, tell him you need time. He's not going to hate you."

"I know, I just need sometime to think this over and think if it's a good thing for me."

I sighed as we finished the coversation and I realized I needed more than time, I know realized that starting a relationship with Jan right off the bat wasn't the best idea like I had thought at the time.

_Jan's POV _

"Sadie! Are you here?"

I had tried calling her earlier but she never answered and missy told me she had talked to Sadie last night and she sounded upset and worn out. I was glad that cheerleading ended earlier so I could find out what was wrong with Sadie.

Suddenly, the door opened and I saw Sadie standing there and I leaned over to kiss her forehead but she back away from me.

I looked at her and asked," Sadie, what's wrong?"

"I can't do this. I can't be in a relationship with you, it's too soon."

"Then we'll take it slow."

"Jan, you don't understand. I can't be in a relationship with you, I need time away."

"But Sadie, I care about you."

Tears streamed down her face as she said," Please understand, I can't be with you. I need time."

She slammed the door in my face and I was left to wonder, what had I just done?


	29. Please, Just Give Me Time

_Au note: yes, they are taking a break, don't worry they will make a comeback but not for a few chapters. _

_A few days later..._

_Jan's POV _

I hadn't slept all weekend, I was convinced that I caused more pain to Sadie. She didn't answer my phone calls and wouldn't speak to me. She literally cut me out of her life, it was awful. I wished I hadn't pushed her to be with me, maybe if I didn't push her we wouldn't be in the position we are in now.

I was walking up to school when I saw Sadie talking to Les and as soon as she saw me she bolted into the school, feeling dejected and utterly confused I didn't even know what to do.

"Hey Jan."

"Hi."

Les sighed. "Look, Sadie's feeling confused."

"No kidding Les, I should've let her cool down from the trial and shouldn't of pushed her to be with me."

"Sadie's a complex person. She just needs time, you need to give her time and let her deal with her emotions."

"What has she told you?"

"She's confused, she doesn't know what to do."

"Why did she bolt at the sight of me?"

"She thinks you hate her, I tried telling her that she's just dealing with her emotions but she's come to the conclusion that you hate her."

"Well I don't."

"Just take it slow, don't hurt her anymore than she's already been hurt."

"I'd never do that to her."

"Jan, she's just confused. She's never been in love before and never had feelings for anyone, this is all new to her."

He was right, Sadie had never been with anyone before. She'd never been hugged, kissed, cuddled, or anything that we had done in the past couple days. Never, she was never told that she was beautiful, funny, and that she was important.

_Sadie's POV _

I should've stayed home, the last couple nights had given me plenty of time to think about my relationship with Jan. I had thought about the good and the bad sides to it and I couldn't really think of any bad things about it, Jan made me feel beautiful and he treated me with respect but it all was too quick.

"Sadie!"

It was Jan.

_Just keep walking Sadie, he will take the hint and leave you alone. _

"Sadie please!"

I stopped just as Jan touched my shoulder and I bit my lip from saying anything as he asked," Can we talk?"

"I can't talk now Jan, I have a lot to do."

"Sadie please. I'm not mad at you, I'm just confused."

_That makes two of us. _

I looked up at him and immediatly I wanted to aplogize for how stupid I was, I did have feelings for Jan but we were going way to fast. I needed time to think about this and I didn't want to rush into something to only find that it was a bad idea. That was my main concern.

"Sadie, are you afriad of me or something?"

I shook my head. "Nope, I think we were moving too fast. I need time to think, I can't do this right now."

"But Sadie, just give me a chance. I care about you and I want to be with you. I'm not going to hurt you. I wouldn't do that to you. Why won't you give me a chance?"

"I...I...can't handle this."

With that, I bolted from him running down the hall hearing people yell and I knew I couldn't be here. Not with Jan, not now.

After I told him that I needed a break, I knew that he would think I was crazy. Being with Jan was different, I'd never been with anyone before. I've never done anything like that, it was all new to me. I didn't how to deal with this.

All I need is that I needed time. 


	30. Sadie Rethinks

_Au Note: yes these are pretty quick! I do hope you enjoy! _

_Sadie's POV _

Curling up on my bed after leaving school, I didn't even want to think about my relationship with Jan but that was the only thing that was filling my brain. We'd gone from hating each other since elementry to becoming friends to starting a relationship. How crazy is that?

I closed my eyes remembering that night he stayed with me after the trial and all the good feeling ran through my body, I could feel the tears streaming down my face and I was so afraid. When I was with Jan, I was content and he made me feel safe but there was this little feeling in my stomach that was telling me that it wasn't a good idea. I was utterly confused.

_It was after the trial was over, Jan unlocked the passanger door but I was so worn out that I didn't want to get out. I heard the door open and I sank into Jan's muscular arms as he held me close and kissed my head, I wrapped my arms around his neck as he picked me up and I buried my chest into his neck as he whispered," It will be okay, I won't hurt you."_

Once inside, he carried me upstairs to my room and I really liked being in his embrace and I never thought this would happen to us, the last couple weeks had been insane to say the least. I knew my life had changed when I started hanging out with Jan, I never thought that would happen. 

_He laid me on the bed as I curled up on my bed and he seated himself next to me and I asked," Why are you doing this Jan?"_

He sighed. "Sadie, it's because I care about you. Things have changed between us and I want to help you. We are no longer enemies."

I shook my head as he ruffled my hair and kissed my head and I wrapped my arms around his waist as he intwined his fingers with mine and I felt his arms wrap around me and I just felt weak. 

_"What are you thinking about?"_

"How weird and akward this is."

I could tell he was smiling, he brushed his fingers against mine as we laid in bed together and I didn't know what else to do. This was a first me, I'd never been with a guy before no less laying in bed with one especially Jan. 

_Could life get any crazier? _

_Jan's POV _

"Sweetheart, is something bothering you?" 

I was feeling sour ever since I got home from school, Sadie left school in a hurry and I was feeling louiser than ever. I was so confused, I was head over heels in love with Sadie and she wanted nothing to do with me.

"I'm just tired."

"Does it have anything to do with Sadie son?"  
_  
How does she know?_

"Jan, you've bellowed about how stupid and quiet this girl is and once you get to know you have completely changed your views. I know that you care about her and that you have feelings for her but don't you think it was kinda quick that you two got together so fast?"

"Well no."

"Well, I think it was. You didn't even began to think about the aftermath of the trial for Sadie. She's been through enough and you bullied her from elementry school to now, think of how she is feeling."

She was right, I didn't even think of how she was feeling but I was more concerned about our relationship. I was happy with Sadie and I knew that she was happy that her mother was going to be put away for a long time but she didn't say anything to me about that. Wait, I didn't even ask.

"Jan, did you ever ask how she felt about the trial?"

"Nope."

"Maybe you should've thought about that before starting a relationship with Sadie."

My mother walked out of the kitchen and I knew she was right, there were a lot of things I should've done but that was the main thing. I knew I had to talk to Sadie but she wanted nothing to do with me so how was that going to work.

_Sadie's POV _

_I am in love with Jan. _

_No you aren't. It was way too soon. _

_Well, I feel something for him. _

_Are you forgetting what he did to you all those years?_

_No but he changed. _

_That's just what he wants you to think. _

_No! It's not. _

I did feel something for Jan but we were going way to fast, I hadn't even had time to think about the aftermath of the trial. My mother was going to be put away for a long time and my siblings were in a stable enviorment leaving me to myself. I was all alone, I didn't want to live like this.

Why was my life so complicated? _  
_


	31. All Thanks To Carmen

_Au Note: Alright, here is the next update and it's a bit of a cliffhanger so I do hope you enjoy it, please read and review! _

_Bluehaven4220: here is more more more for you! You will see how she reacts and what Jan does but you already what know will happen! Enjoy!_

_Missy's POV _

I feel bad for Sadie but I knew this was taking a toll on Jan, I could tell that he had feelings for Sadie. It was beyond obvious to me, you could see it in his eyes and the way he spoke and I knew that he didn't mean to hurt her. He didn't hurt her but you could tell that he felt bad, it was strange knowing how felt about her in the beginning of the year to now feeling bad about hurting her.

"Have you talked to him lately Les?"

Les shook his head. "Yesterday, I did. He's still miserable, I know he cares for her but he should've thought about how she felt after the trial and not rushed into a relationship."

I nodded. "Did you ask her how she felt about him?" 

"I did and she said she did have feelings for him and the last couple days that they were together, she enjoyed being with him but it was all so quick."

"I think they would be cute togther though."

Les snorted. "You are crazy."

I smiled. "I know I am but wouldn't they be cute together?"

Les shrugged. "It's weird to think about them being together if you've known the two of them as long as I have. He teased her since elementry school and made fun of her every chance he got. Somedays, she would go home and cry because she was so fed up with him."

"I can see that he's changed Les. I know that maybe hard for you to see but I see it."

He nodded. "I guess he has but I think she still needs time."

If time is what she needed and that's what she would get, Jan tried his best to give her that. In English today, we didn't work on our projects but he would glance at Sadie a couple times during class and I knew how much he wanted to be with her and tell her that he loved her, I just hoped she wouldn't take this out on herself. I could tell that they both felt something for one another but it wasn't up to us to tell Sadie that, it was up to herself.

_Sadie's POV  
_

This house doesn't feel the same, I can't hear yelling and screaming like i used to. I don't hear the sound of footsteps of my siblings. I was alone in this house, i didn't like it. Tonight, I was going to visit my little sister for for awhile and I was excited to see her, I hadn't seen her since the beginning of the trial. I was going to visit my little brother tihs weekend, they were both doing much better. My brother had gotten involved a young hockey league and he seemed to like it.

Suddenly, I heard a knock on the door and I rushed to get it and opened to see a flower delivery man waiting for me and he asked," Are you Sadie Gilliam?" 

I nodded. "That's me."

"I have a dilivery for you."

"Oh ok."

He smiled and said," If you could sign this."

I signed it and picked up the red roses and lillies, two of my favorite flowers. I smiled and looked inside the tag and it read," _Sadie, please don't take this out on yourself. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking of you and only thought of myself and how I felt for you. Please, give me a second chance. I care about you." _

They were from Jan. I didn't even know what to think, I knew I cared about him and there were several instances in which he showed it, I was happy and content with the outcome of the trial. I was happy being with Jan but it was so quick, I didn't even know what to do. Maybe this visit to my sister would help me feel better. That is what I needed.

_A few hours later..._

"Hi Carmen!" 

Carmen jumped up and down and latched on to my leg as I hugged her and she said," Hi Sadie!"

Carmen was staying with the The Hendersons, a family that lived on the outskirts of Los Angeles and she was loving her new family. I liked The Hendersons, they were very gracious and sweet and a very loving family and that's what my little sister needed.

Laine Henderson smiled. "She's been talking about this all day, she's very excited to see you."

"I'm excited to see you too!"

Carmen smiled and hugged me again and said," I miss you Sadie."

I smiled. "I miss you too but are you liking your new home?"

Carmen eagerly nodded. "I do! Mommy makes me cookies every weekend."

I smiled as Laine looked at her and ruffled her hair and kissed her head as I asked," Why don't you show me your new room?"

She grabbed my hand and I followed Carmen to her room, I was so thrilled beyond belief that she was so happy. It's what I wanted. I wanted my siblings to be happy and I knew both of the foster families were giving them the warm and comforting enviorment that they needed.

"See, it's all pink!"

It was very pink but that was my little sister's favorite color, the walls were light pink and the borders were a little of ballerina's and dolls print. The rest of them room was clean and neat, she had pink and white storage containers around her room so she could find everything and of course she had barbie dolls everywhere.

"You have a lovely pink room!"

She smiled at me and hugged my leg as I smiled and ruffled her hair as we sat down and began to play with her toys, she looked so happy and full of life. I had decided not to tell her about the aftermath of the trial, she was too young to understand what that meant and after discussing that with her foster parents we decided it was the best thing to do.

"Where is Jan Sadie?"

I blushed. "He's not here right now."

She looked up at me and asked," Do you love him Sadie?"

My face flushed, I didn't know what to do. Suddenly, all the bad feelings that I had about Jan and our relationship disapeared and I was left feeling content and very foolish. I did love Jan, I was hiding my feelings for him because I was afraid but now they were telling me that I needed him more than anyone in the world.

"I do Carmen but I was scared."

"Why? Jan likes you."

This girl is smart for a five year old. I never would've thought my own five year old sister would make me realize that I do love Jan. I would've thought it would've been someone else or that I would make that realization.

"It's hard to describe sweetie but I do love him."

She smiled at me as I wished I would've told Jan how I felt instead of pushing him away, that's what I was doing to him. Pushing him away because I was afraid, I was no longer afraid. I knew that I had to tell him and tell him soon before he got fed up and moved on and I no longer had a chance.

I smiled as Carmen smiled and said," Tell him I said hello."

I smiled and ruffleld her hair and said," I will sweetie."

For the next hour, I played with my little sister thankful that she helped me realize this. Jan was in love with me, he cared about me and took things slow and didn't rush me. He made me feel loved but I pushed him away thinking that he was just doing this to be nice and wasn't sure of his intentions but then I had come to realize with the help of my little sister that he did love me and my feelings for him were stronger than I had thought.

"Can you put me to bed Sadie?"

I smiled as Laine walked in and I said," Sure, I can."

She smiled as I watched Carmen walk out and Mr. Henderson appeared and she hugged him as he kissed her head and said," Goodnight baby doll, mommy and daddy will be down the hall."

I smiled at the three of them, Laine looked at Carmen and kissed her head and said," Goodnight sweetie."

"Night mommy and daddy."

I smiled as they set her down and I helped her get dressed and brush her teeth, it had been a long time since I had done this. I missed it but I was extremely happy that my little sister was enjoying her time with her foster family, they were great people and I was glad that it wasn't like the life she had lived before.

"Goodnight Carmen, I love you and I'll see you soon."

"I wuv you too Sadie, can Jan come see me sometime?"

I smiled. "I'll see what I can do."

"Ok Sadie, be happy."

I smiled and kissed her head and said," I love you sweetie pie, I'm so happy that you are loving it here."

She smiled and hugged me tight and I ruffled her hair and said," Goodnight sweetie."

I walked out of the room and said goodnight to the Hendersons, they smiled and thanked me for coming over and I was happy to see my baby sister. Now, I was on a mission to see Jan and hoped he was home.

As I drove to his house, I thought of everything the two of us had done and the time he spent with me. I was in love with him, everytime I was with him my pulse soared and my heart raced, if that wasn't love than I didn't know what it was.

Great, it was pouring rain and I hated it when it rained. Just my luck, I'll be standing outside of his house in the pouring rain telling him that I love him. Well, better now than never.

I walked up to his house and knocked on the front door a couple of times with no luck, I shook my head and turned around beginning the walk to my car when I heard the door open and I heard Jan yell," Sadie?"

I turned around and looked at him as he yelled louder," What are you doing here?"

"I had something to tell you."

"What's that?"

"I'm in love with you."

_To be continued..._


	32. Tell Me That You Love Me More

_Au note: here is the next chapter, hope you enjoy!_

_Bluehaven4220: i loved your review! Yes Carmen is cute and very smart! I am so glad you like and enjoy this update!_

_Jan's POV_

_Did I just hear that? _

"Jan, I'm in love with you. I...wannnt to be with you, I care about you and I wanted you to know that."

"Why did you come out here to tell me this?"

"I had to tell you jan, someone helped me realize that I do love you and care abotu you and I don't want to go on without you. It's hard to imagine but you've made me happier than I've ever been." 

I stood there not knowing what to do, it was late and it was pouring rain and there Sadie was standing in my front lawn proffesing that she loved me. It had been a week since she wanted a break but it felt like months for me and I didn't think she would come around so soon but she did, it looked like she had been crying but it was raining so it could a been a little bit of both.

Sadie stood in front of me as I smiled at her now knowing if I should kiss or hug her, Sadie looked at me and leaned up and kissed me softly, I wrapped my arms around her as she wrapped her arms around my neck as I kissed her and I could hear her whispering," I'm sorry."

I cupped her face in my hand and responded," I'm not mad at you."

"I care about you Jan, I want to be with you and start a relationship. It's what I need and I'm in love with you."

I kissed her nose and I asked," Did you get my flowers?"

She nodded. "I did, I loved them and you can thank my little sister also."

"Why?" 

"Because, she's the one who made me realize that I do need you and that I am in love with you."

I nuzzled her cheek as she smiled at me and said," I'm soaken wet."

I chuckled as she smiled at me and said," I just had to tell you that I am crazy about you."

"The feeling is mutual."

She smiled and kissed me as we stood together and I smiled and nuzzled her cheek as she hugged me and said," I still want to take it slow Jan."

"We will."

I smiled and kissed Sadie on the nose as she giggled and said," I'm so wet."

I chuckled and kissed her nose as she nuzzled her face into my chest and I was happier than ever, I had Sadie but I was still going to take it slow and not rush her. I didn't expect this, I figured it would take her much longer but I knew that maybe she was in the middle and just confused about what to do.

"So I'll pick you up tomorrow?"

She eagerly nodded. "I would like that Jan, do you have anymore games that I could come to?"

"I think we have a couple coming in and then we might be going to nationals."

"Really?"

I smiled and kissed her nose as she smiled and said," I need to get home and change but I wanted you to know how I felt."

I kissed her nose as she smiled at me and I responded," I'll pick you tomorrow Sadie."

"Ok bye Jan." 

I kissed her once more as she smiled and hugged me, I was loving every second of this. I was beyond relieved that she wanted to be with me. I knew only things would get better from here on out.

_The next day..._

_Sadie's POV  
_

I decided to do something a little different today, dress a little different. A few days ago, I checked out a new store at the mall and I fell in love with their clothes. They were funky and cute, I bought some cute stuff and decided to wear one of my favorite today. It wasn't cold out today, it was actually extremely beautiful out.

As I began to get dressed, I had to imagine what Jan would think. It's so weird that we are dating but I guess anything can happen. I am in love with him and he's been there for me and I am happy with him.

I grabbed my bag and threw it over my shoulder and walked downstairs and stopped by a mirror in the dining room to admire myself, I loved the new outfits that I found.

"Sadie!"

I giggled at the sound of his voice, I used to hate the sound of his voice but now i loved it. I walked to the front door and opened it as he was surprised to see me, I smiled and asked," Do you like? I bought this the other day."

He leaned over and kissed me and whispered," I love it."

My style of clothing was different than most girls, I loved the vintage eccentric side of fashion so I usually mixed leggings with shorts or skirts and sometimes I wore long shirts over my black leggings. Today, I was wearing tweed brown shorts with brown tights underneath and brown flats with a white button up top and I had a white and brown headband to match. I had to say that I looked pretty darn good if I say so myself.

"You look beautiful Sadie."

I blushed as he held my hand and we walked to his car and he asked," Sadie, have you given any more thought to USC?"

I smiled and said," No, I haven't. I promise I will look into that."

Truth is, I had and I already had an appointment with a counsler next week. I checked out the communcations program after further talking to Roger. I was going to surprise Jan, I knew he would like this and I wanted it to be a surprise and I wanted to be with him once we left high school.  
__


	33. Sadie's Good News and First Times

_Au Note: here is the next chapter, I fastforwarded it alot but everything will all be explained and there are only two more chapters left and there is smut, I do hope you enjoy. _

_May 2001_

_Los Angeles, California. _

_Jan's POV _

It had been nearly seven months since I got together with Sadie and honesty, I couldn't be happier than I am. It was now mid may and it was close to school being over and I was relaxing in my room until the telephone rang and I picked it up and responded," hello?"

"Hi Jan."

It was Sadie but she sounded weak so I asked," Sadie, you okay?"

"I'm sick, I haven't felt well all morning and I just feel poopy."

"I'm sorry, you want to me to come over?"

"I don't know if you should. I'm very sick."

"I don't care, I want you to feel better. I'll be over in a little bit and we'll hang out at your place."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure Sadie, I want to be with you."

"If you say so, I just don't want you getting sick."

I chuckled. "It's okay, I'll be over in awhile." 

She hung up the phone as I smiled and got up from my bed and thundered downstairs and walked outside, I was happy to be going over to Sadie's. I was always happy to see her and happy that we were still going steady, we spent as much time together as we could. I was happily in love with Sadie and I knew she felt the same, you could see it in her eyes. I was happy that she was happy, it made my life better.

_Sadie's POV  
_

I couldn't wait for Jan to get over here, I faked being sick because I wanted to surprise him. I got into USC and I wanted to tell him, I was happier than ever. It had been nearly seven months since we got together and I was happier than i ever thought I would be, Jan made me happier. It was as though I was a new person, being with Jan was amazing and incredible at the same time.

I heard a knock on the door and I rushed to get it and I opened it slowly and beamed seeing Jan standing there and I opened the door and pulled him in and he said," Well you are feeling better."

"I have a surprise for you." 

"What's that?"

"I got into USC!!!!!" 

The look on his face from happy to estatic, he picked me up and kissed me as I giggled and he asked," When did you find out?"

"Yesterday, I got a letter from the admissons office and I'm going up there tomorrow to get everything figured out."

He hugged me and said," Saide, that makes so happy. Now we are going to be together."

I smiled. "That was my good news for you. I'm not sick at all."

He chuckled. "So you tricked me?"

I smiled. "Well it worked didn't it?"

He laughed at me. "It sure did."

I smiled and hugged him as he kissed my cheek and I hugged him and he wrapped his arms around me while I kissed him softly, the kisses grew as he began to pull my shirt out of my pants and I ran my fingers through his hair, the two of stumbled on the way to my room as he nuzzled my neck and I ran my hands up his chest as he smiled and said," I love you."

"I love you too."

I hugged Jan and I kissed him and he began to unbutton my shirt and unlike the first time we were together, I was more than willing to do this. I wasn't afraid to be with him like before, I loved him and I knew he loved me.

He pulled away to pull his shirt over his head as I laid on the bed as he cupped my face and kissed my neck I let my hands roam and rubbed his neck as I felt his fingers caressed my chest up to my neck, he pushed my bra strap down as I reached behind and unsnapped it and he whispered," You sure Sadie?"

I nodded. "I want to be with you."

He nodded as he pulled my bra off and threw it on floor as Jan began to kiss my chest as I ran my fingers through his hair as he continued and I whimpered as he got into it, I rubbed his back as he kissed me harder and I felt his hand move down my chest to my pants and unzip them and I whimpered loudly as he inched his hand into my panties but stopped but only to unzip his pants and pull them off as I pushed mine off along with my undies and he stripped his boxers as I bit my lip and he asked," Are you sure Sadie?"

I nodded. "I'm sure jan." 

He laid back down on me as I whimpered when he situated himself on me and I smiled at him and he said," I won't hurt you Sadie, I promise."

"I know you won't."

"I'll take it slow, I promise."

I leaned up and kissed him as he stroked my cheek as I laid back down on my bed and he entered me as I whimpered feeling something that I've never felt in my entire life. I moved my hands up his chest as he leaned down and kissed me still moving in and out of me, I whimpered as he placed his hands on my sides and I arched my back as he grunted loudly and I stroked his face as he kissed my hand and I rubbed his side as he thrusted each other gaining movement as I laid on the bed, I looked at him as he kissed me and I rubbed his side and running my fingers up his muscular chest and down his arms knowing that he loved it but not as much I loved this.

"Jaaaan."

"Sadie, i love you."

"I love you too."

He leaned down and nuzzled my neck as he still moved in and I was loving every second of this, I was happy with jan.

The two of us climaxed with one another as he pulled out of me and I closed my eyes feeling the tears streaming down my face, Jan leaned down and kissed me and whispered," What's wrong?"

"Thank you."

He cupped my face and whispered," No, thank you."

I opened my eyes to see him smiling at me and he said," I love you Sadie, that was incredible. I am happier with you than I have ever been."

He kissed me and I knew he was the only one for me, he saved my life like I saved his. We were meant for each other. I was lucky for Jan.


	34. It's Almost Over

_Au Note: Here is the next update, there are only two more after this and then it's over! I know, so sad but here is more! _

_Bluehaven4220: So glad you liked it! Here is more! _

_Jan's POV _

For most of the night, Sadie and I were all over each other but it wasn't like you would think. I made her feel beautiful and real, it's what I wanted. I loved her, she was the most important person in my life and I would do anything for her.

"Jaaaaan."

I rubbed her as she smiled and I leaned down and kissed her chin and whispered," I like teasing you."

She giggled. "You are no fun." 

I continuned knowing that she loved this, my fingers made contact with her as she whimpered but I knew this turned her on, it always did. I smiled as the smile crinkled upon her lips as I continued and I leaned down and whispered," Am I turing you on Sadie Gilliam?"

She giggled. "You are."

I smiled and responded," I never imagined you would be turned on by this."

She giggled as I stopped and she responded," Well you didn't know a lot of things Jan."

"You got that right Sadie."

She smiled. "Oh Jan, that was beyond wonderful."

I smiled and kissed her cheek and responded," You bet it was, I loved it Sadie."

I smiled at her as she giggled and hugged me and I kissed her cheek and I smiled as she looked at me and asked," Are you staying with me?"

"I could if you want."

"I do."

I smiled and kissed her hard as she ran her fingers through my hair, she opened her mouth as I kissed her and she rubbed my arms as I scooped her up in my arms so now she was lying on top of me, I smiled as she hugged me and I kissed her forehead as she laid her head on my chest and she asked," Are you still going to Nationals?"

"Yeah we are, they are in Flordia. Are you coming?"

"I might be able to come but I don't know."

"I hope you can."

She giggled. "I hope I can too. Are you looking forward to them?"

"I guess so. I'm ready to be done with cheerleading for good and move on from that."

She nodded. "I know you are Jan." 

Sadie rolled over as I turned to face and I ran my hand up her stomach and kissed her cheek as she smiled and said," I love you, I'm excited to see where we are in the future."

"You know I am."

I was happy with Sadie, I don't know what it was but she made me so happy. She literally taught me how to be a person and taught me more than I would ever know and I found myself falling so hard for her that I can't live without her, whatever came our way I knew we could deal with it. I knew we were made for each other, it was weird to think with all that's happened to us but now I knew it was true.

_A few weeks later..._

_Sadie's POV _

It had been fours week since I gave myself to Jan and I'd never been more happier, I also went to see him at Nationals and they won second place which seemed to please the team with all that they had been through and I loved watching him and knowing that he was mine. School was close to ending and I was looking forward to starting at USC, Jan seemed much more happier that school was now over and he was looking forward to USC. He was debating on joining a frat when starting at USC but I wasn't sure if he was going to do it. Missy was moving to New York for NYU, Les was staying here and would be attending UC Davis in the fall.

Now, I was packing up my things and putting them away realizing that the life I had lead for years was now over. I would start a fresh new life at USC, I was excited yet anxious to start but I knew that everything that had happened was meant to happen, everything happens for a reason whether we like it or not.

"Hi Sadie."

I smiled as Jan kissed my cheek and I smiled and responded," Hi you. Thanks for helping me pack."

He smiled back at me and responded," I brought company with me."

I looked to see Les and Missy walking up to the door with pizza and drinks in their arms and I smiled and responded," I need all the help that I can get."

Yes life was beyond perfect, I had the most wonderful boyfriend that was always here for me and I was happier than ever. Who would ever thought that my life would turn out like this? 


	35. Sadie's Surprising Good News

_Au Note: Here is the next update, a little surprise at the end. I do hope you enjoy! Please read and review! _

_Bluehaven4220: you will have to wait and read what happens but I think you already know!_

_Jan's POV _

_"I love it when it rains."  
_

_I smiled at Sadie as we sat in my room talking softly to each other, it had been two weeks since we graduated and we finally had the night alone. We'd been so wrapped up with school finishing that we hadn't had enough time to see each other alone, it was usually with les or missy. _

_"I know you do."_

I smiled and kissed her forehead as she wrapped her arms around me and I held her tight and whispered," Can you believe that we've made it work for seven months?"

"And counting Jan."

I chuckled. "It's amazing Sadie, I love you more than anyone I've ever been with. You are everything to me."

She giggled. "I love you too Jan."

"Sadie, will you marry me?"

She sat up on the bed as I grabbed her hands and I kissed her fingers and she asked," Jan, are you sure you want to marry me?"

I smiled and responded," Sadie, I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to marry you."

"I don't want to rush this."

I smiled. "Sadie, I'm not saying we haven't to get married now but in the future."

She smiled and hugged and responded," Yes, I will marry you."

My alarm clock went off signaling to me this was a dream but a good dream, I hadn't had a dream like before but I knew it was telling me something, I loved Sadie and I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life but we were still pretty young to get married right away and I knew that she wouldn't rush into that.

"Jan, are you awake? Your grandparents are coming over soon, Sadie just called and left a message that she was on her way."

I smiled and yelled," Yes, I am. I'll be down in a few."

"Ok."

It had been a week since we graduated from high school and my family was hosting a celebration with most of my relatives who were still living in California. Sadie would be coming by in a bit and I was excited about her meeting the rest of my family, things had still be going well for the two of us.

"He's upstairs sweetheart."

I knew it was Sadie, I smiled as the door opened and Sadie skipped in and hugged me as I kissed her and she said," Hi Jan."

"Hi beautiful."

She giggled as I nuzzled her cheek and whispered," I have something to tell you but I will wait until later when we are alone."

"Ok, are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

I kissed her wondering what she could possibly have to tell me but I had to wait till later and she wasn't in a bad mood so I knew it wasn't bad news, Sadie was lying on my bed humming to herself as I smiled and leaned down and nuzzled her cheek as she giggled and said," Someone could walk in on us Jan."

I chuckled. "No they wouldn't."

I smiled and kissed her neck as she wrapped her arms around me as I continued to kiss her neck and she giggled and wrapped her arms around my waist, I smiled as she laid there and she looked beautiful beyond words, I knew I had to be downstairs but I could've stayed with Sadie.

"Jaaaaan."

I kissed her softly as she ruffled my hair and said," We can do that later on, we have to be downstairs now."

"You sound like my mother."

She pouted and I thought it was cute, I smiled and responded," You are so cute when you pout." 

She smiled as I kissed her cheek and buttoned up my cargo shorts, it was extremely warm today and I knew we would be outside for most of the day. It was going to be a great day, I was sure of that.

_Sadie's POV_

So, how was I going to tell Jan that I'm pregnant? I just found out earlier today, I was worried that I might be. I had experiencing syptoms that go hand in hand with pregnancy so I went to the store to get a pregnancy test and it came back positive, I was scared at first and well I still am. What was Jan going to say to me?

"You okay Sadie?"

I smiled at the sound of his voice and responded," I'll be good."

"Are you sure? You seemed deep in thought."

"I was just thinking that's all."

He smiled at me and I knew that I was going to enjoy the day and I was right, I spend the entire day with his family and I'd never felt so welcomed in my entire. Most of his aunts were thanking me for setting him straight and I giggled in response to that but Jan did seem happier than I had ever seen him even when he used to make fun of me, I knew that he was unhappy but now I knew that he was happier than ever now I just hoped my news wouldn't set him off. I didn't want that.

_Later that night..._

"So Sadie, what did you have to tell me?"

"You might to sit down to hear this."

Clearly confused, he looked at me and asked," What is it?"

"Jan, I'm pregnant."__


	36. Reactions and Babies

_Au note: here is the next update, this is the next to last update and then it's over:( Wow, I got this out quick. _

_Jan's POV _

"Sadie, I can't believe you are pregnant."

She weakly smiled at me. "I just found out today."

She was waiting for me to say something but I was stunned, I was going to be a daddy. Saide was pregnant with my kid, well of course my kid you dumbass. I was happier than ever but knew that this would be huge, were we ready for this? I knew Sadie was but was I? It would be a test that I knew we could handle.

I smiled as she bit her lip and I kissed her forehead as she sank into my arms and she said," I love you Jan."

"I love you too Sadie, I'll support you. When did you find out?"

"Earlier today, I wanted to tell you in person and not on the phone." 

"Well, I appreciate you waiting the entire day to tell me. That must've been hard to do."

She giggled. "It was."

I rubbed her belly as she giggled louder and she said," I'm a couple weeks pregnant but it's true."

I leaned in and kissed her as she hugged me and I knew I had to ask her, I had to ask to marry me. I just had to wait for the right moment.

After her annoucment, we retreated to the den where she laid her head on my chest and I kissed her as she wrapped her arms around my waist and she asked," Jan, what if I don't make a good mother?"

I smiled and kissed her forehead and responded," You'll be a great mother Sadie, I know you haven't had the best childhood but you are a great person and you will be a great mother. I know you will, just have faith in yourself."

"I'm just scared." 

"It's normal to feel that way Sadie."

She hugged me as I nuzzled her forehead and thought about if we had a girl or boy, what would be name the baby? I hadn't thought of that. Well heck, I hadn't thought of any of this, my life had changed. I no longer lived the carefree easy going life I did when I thought no one could get to me. Well that someone did to me, I figured it out it was Sadie. We were meant to find each other even with all that's happened, well all that I put her through.

"Jan, if we have a boy what about the name Jesse?"

"I like that name Sadie." 

"What are you two talking about?"

It was my mom, she was standing in the doorway as I smiled and responded," I have some good news."

"I heard a little bit of it."

"Sadie's pregnant mom. She just found out today."

I didn't know if my mom was mad or surprised, she looked shocked as I responded," I'm going to support and I know we can do this."

"Jan, raising a baby is a big responsibility. Are you sure you two are ready for it?"

Sadie nodded. "I think we are ready for it."

She smiled at Sadie who hugged me and my mother smiled and responded," We'll help you two out hun."

I smiled in relief glad that we had my parents on our side and Sadie hugged me tighter and I nuzzled her forehead and she responded," See, I told you. I think everything is going to be okay."

I kissed her nose as she smiled and rubbed me and I groaned and whispered," You are something else, I didn't think you were like this."

"Jan, we've been together for almost eight months. How can you say that now? Don't you remember two months ago when i did that."

"How could I forget?"

She giggled. "I wanted you."

"You sure as heck did but I loved it."

"You also forgot what we were doing earlier Jan."

I smiled and hugged her as she ran her hand down my shirt and I groaned when she unzipped my pants and I felt her hand move up and down, I let my head fall back on the couch as she continued and I couldn't believe that she was doing this, it happened one time before a few months ago at her house.

"Sadieeeeee."

"Am I turning you on?"

Knowing that I was close, I lifted myself up as she smiled and pulled her hand out and nuzzled my cheek and said," I love you and I can't wait for our little one to be born."

"I love you too. You are going to be a good mother Sadie, don't thikn bad things about that. You are a fantastic person and you are going to be a great mother. I know you will."

She smiled and said," I know and I will have a fantastic boyfriend there with me."

I decided it was now or never, I looked at her and asked," Will you marry me?"

"Will I do what?"

"Marry me?"

"I love you Sadie, you are the only one for me. I'm going to be the father of our baby and I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I don't have a ring or didn't do anything fancy but I've been thinking about it for awhile. I love you."

She nodded her head as I kissed her and she said," But, I don't want to go near a church until after the baby is born and we still have a lot of growing up to do."

I nodded my head. "Anything for you."

Now, all I had to do was be paitent and wait for the birth of our baby and I knew that was going to be a long wait but it was going to be well worth it.

_Eight months later..._

"Jaaaaan!!!"

"Sadie, it's going to be okay."

"How can you possibly say that? You aren't about to give birth are you?"

I shook my head as I squeezed her hand in the dilivery room, it was time. It was now the middle of the febuary and we were at Cedar Cinai Medical Hospital waiting for the birth our baby boy, his name was Jesse Nathanial Robertson and we were more than excited for this. Since last may when we found out she was going to have a baby, the two of us had done a lot of growing up, me especially. We moved into a tiny apartment near USC where we both started school, I was holding job full time job at a resturant near our apartment. The pay was pretty good and Sadie was working part time but would return after the birth our of baby.

"Jan, we've been in here for our twenty four hours. What the hell is taking so long?"

I leaned over and kissed her head as she smiled and responded," I hate this, I really do."

I kissed her softly and whispered," I'll be right here."

Seconds later, our doctor walked in and he announced that she was in fact ready. Sadie smiled as she Doctor Bradford smiled and responded," I want to push when I tell you."

"Ok."

I held her hand as Sadie pushed and I noticed that she was crying but hell I'd do more than crying if I was going to give birth to a baby, that was exciting yet so emotional at the same time.

"Sadie, push!"

"I'm pushing!"

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9!"

Sadie began breathing heavy as the Doctor Bradford smiled and responded," Ok, you are getting close. Just a few more pushes!"

Sadie pushed as hard as she could while still breathing heavily and I kissed her head as she smiled at me and before we knew it seconds later, the two of us heard crying we knew it was over. Sadie smiled as I kissed her and Doctor Bradford smiled and responded," You have a beautiful baby boy."

"Jesse Nathanial Robertson."

I smiled as Doctor Bradford finished up and soon Sadie was holding the baby in her arms and I smiled and whispered," Hey little fella. I'm your dad and this is your beautiful mommy."

Sadie smiled at me. "Thank you."

I smiled down at her and responded," No, thank you."

It was true, I had to thank Sadie. She gave me the most beautiful gift that I could ever recieved, I was now a daddy and I knew that life could only get better from this point on. _  
_


	37. The End Of The End

_Au Note: Here is the last one!! I know, I'm sad that it's over but Sadie and jan are going to live happily ever after! Thanks to all who reviewed:) :) _

_Bluehaven4220: I am so glad you did and I HOPE you like this one as well, thanks for all the help on this story:) :) You are the best! _

_One year later..._

_Sadie's POV _

"Mama." 

I smiled at Jesse who held up his chubby arms and I picked him up and walked into the living room to see Jan seated on the couch watching the football game and I sighed as he looked up at me and said," Hey little guy."

"What? I don't get a hello."

He chuckled. "Hey beautiful."

Jesse hugged me as I smiled and kissed his head and he held out his arms to Jan who smiled and picked him up and the two began watching the game, well Jan was explaining what was going on because I'm sure Jesse didn't understand it. It had been one year since I gave birth to Jesse and we were still doing well, our wedding date was set to June 23 and that was very soon, in a week no less.

Suddenly, I felt someone tug my pant leg and I looked to see jesse standing there and he said," Football."

"You want me to come watch?"

He nodded and I picked him up and walked over to the couch and pulled Jesse in my lap as he hugged me and I laid my head on Jan's shoulder, he kissed my forehead and said," I was wondering where the little tyke went."

I smiled. "He came to find me Jan."

Jan chuckled. "He wanted to see you."

I ruffled Jesse's hair as he sat in my lap and I held him close as Jan watched the game, things for us were going extremely well. I had returned to school as well as working and taking care of the little one, it was tough but I did my best. Jan worked and we spent as much time as we could with Jesse. He was my little angel.

"You tired buddie?"

Jesse nodded as Jan picked him up and kissed his head and said," You ready to go night night?"

Jesse nodded as he rubbed his eyes and said," I'm tired daddy."

Jan smiled and I turned off the tv and walked with Jan to put Jesse to bed and I hugged him as he smiled at me and said," Mama."

Jan set him on his bed as I got out his pajamas and he smiled at me and I responded," You look tired little guy. You and daddy were busy today."

Jesse nodded as Jan kissed his head and helped him get his jammies on as I smiled, he looked so much like Jan. He had jan's eyes and hair but my smile, he was our little baby boy.

"Goodnight buddie."

I kissed his head as Jan turned on the nightlight and smiled at Jesse who in turned fell fast asleep as I closed the door a little and walked down the hall to our room and smiled as Jan stripped off his t-shirt revealing his muscular chisled chest as I bit my lip, I hadn't been with him in awhile, we've been so busy and I missed it.

He sat down on the bed and sighed and responded," I have a day off tomorrow, don't you?"

I nodded. "I do." 

His shoulders heaved as I walked over and stood in front of him and he looked up at him as he whispered," I miss you."

He moved his finges to my pants and unzipped them as I sighed and climbed on top of him as he chuckled and held me tighter and I whispered," It's been too long Jan." 

He smiled. "I know, I've been so busy with work."

I nodded knowing that was true, the two of us worked day in and day out. I was taking two classes at USC but they were in the morning and then I came home and changed for work and worked until seven and then came home around the same time Jan did, we had a friend of ours who baby sat Jesse until we came home but we didn't go out that much, we stayed home with Jesse and we loved doing that.

"Just think Jan, we'll be married in less than two weeks."

"I can't wait for that but for now, I got something that I know we will both like."

_Jan's POV_

"Sadie."

I leaned up as she sat on me and I unbuttoned her shirt and threw it to the ground, she smiled at me as I felt her hands travel to my pants and unzip them and I groaned and leaned back on the bed as she pulled them off along with her pants and threw them on the floor. As if that wasn't enough to turn me on, she pulled my boxers off and she sat on me as I groaned and she giggled and responded," I love you." 

"I love you too Sadie."

I sat up and held her close as she wrapped her arms around my neck as I unsnapped her bra and threw it to the floor as she slid down on me and I groaned knowing where this was going, a few months ago this had happened and it was incredible.

"Jaaaaan."

I rubbed her back with one hand while placing my other hand on her side as she moved on me, I bit my lip as she whimpered with pleasure. I knew she was getting close so I leaned up and helped her and kissed her chin as she wrapped her arms around me and whimpered in pleasure as I pulled out of her and she hugged me, in turn I laid her on the bed as she smiled at me as I kissed her chest as she ruffled my hair and whispered," i've missed this."

I missed it too and I didn't plan on stopping now, I ran my hand down her side and to her inner thigh and rubbed it as she smiled and whispered," Jaaaan."

I kissed her chest running my fingers over her nipples and she wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me as I continued and she whimpered and responded," Jaaaaaan, you are incredible."

I smiled and kissed her nose and she giggled and said," I am so excited for our future, it is going to be exciting."

I nodded knowing that it would be, I was going to get married in two weeks and I was anticpating wonderful things for our future.

_Two weeks later..._

_  
_"I, Sadie Alexandria Gillam take, thee Jan Michael Robertson."

I smiled and responded," I, Jan Michael Robertson take thee Sadie Alexandria Gilliam."

"This ring is a token of my undenying, everlasting, undeniable love, devotion, and fidelity for the rest of my life."

After repeating the vow, I looked into the pillar to see my mother holding Jesse in her lap and my family smiling at me. It was finally our wedding day, Sadie looked beautiful in her wedding dress like I knew she would be. It was perfect, Les was my best man and Missy was Sadie's maid of honor. Charlie and Carmen were the flowergirl and ringbearer, I had been waiting for this day for a year and finally it was.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife."

He turned to me and replied," You may kiss the bride."

The entire room erupted with cheers as I smiled and kissed Sadie who threw her arms around me, finally she was mine for good. I loved Sadie, it was hard to imagine with everything that we had been through from elementry school to now but it was meant to happen, I was meant for Sadie just like she was meant for me. I had learned a lot from Sadie, more than I ever thought was possible but I became a better person and I grew from that and now I was happier than ever. Life was beyond perfect and nothing could get better than this.

_You and me_

_Always be_

_You and me_

_Always between the lines_


End file.
